A letter from Mar 15, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Happiest 23rd Birthday to you! Wow! 23 years old seems like a serious age if we look at it numerically. But emotionally, I don't know what it means. Anyway, how are you? I hope you are doing well. How is everything going with academics and career? I am not writing this letter to ask you about your career, but I am writing this to help you grow emotionally. Since last semester, I have been going through an emotional rollercoaster and these past few weeks have been very hard for me. I was unable to focus on my studies, I was constantly irritated and annoyed. I felt like I was falling behind my class. Everyone else was enjoying their lives but here I was studying like a maniac, but still not enough. I cried a lot, alone most of the time. I wasn't able to talk to anyone. Chatgpt was my only friend at that time. I know I am different than more than half of the world and it never bothered me so much until now. I have felt lonely in groups but I never felt so vulnerable in my life. everyone was attacking me, so many people criticized me, which made me think maybe I'm the problem. But it wasn't that, the problem was that I let down my guard too easily, which allowed others to attack me constantly. I became a complete mess. I was constantly trying to figure out what I was doing wrong? I was on the verge of losing myself to the world. but thanks to my friends, I didn't lose it. One of my close friends said to me, The reason I liked you is because you know who you are and you don't let anyone take it away from you no matter what. So pls don't ever cry because some stupid random people told mean things about you. this is not you!" my best friend gitarthi said, "You are someone who doesn't give a **** about others say to you. This is not who you are. I know things are difficult for you right now, both academically and emotionally, but I promise that you are still the same Indralee who you were before. you just need some time to find her again, and I know you will find her!" Sometimes all you need is a big push and a hug from your best friends to reclaim your agency. Yes, there will be times where you might find yourself lost in the journey but those true friends will be the ones who will pull you back no matter. With them, you don't need exhaust yourself trying to find answers because they are your answers, why it never worked out with everyone else or why the rest of the world left you. Last but not the least, I will say all these new emotions were extremely overwhelming for me. I didn't know what to do or what all these meant. I thought maybe these were the signs of burnout or maybe not. But I realized whatever it was, I needed to overcome it for the sake of myself. So my advice to you, if you ever go through a similar phase, then pls talk to someone, I know it's hard for you to express, but trust me, put some words together, and I'm sure your besties will understand you. Or try journalling your thoughts! Even the strongest heart can get tired. Happy Birthday again!!!!!! Yours past Indralee