A letter from Mar 15, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I've read your past letters. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise. I'm still not confident enough to face reality. I'm still stuck being my old self, and I still feel so lost. I feel so down right now, and nobody knows. Okay, here's what's happening in your life right now. You'll be a college student soon. Tomorrow is your entrance exam at Batangas State University, and here are your program choices: 1) Mechanical Engineering 2) Sanitary Engineering 3) Petroleum Engineering I don't know... I'm not so sure about your choices because I really don't know what to do with my life anymore. I can't figure out what I like or what I want to be. All I know is that I want to live freely in the future. I want to be someone that everybody looks up to. I want to be loved and cared for by many people. I want to be financially stable, pretty enough to love myself genuinely, and a model. I want to inspire people to become the best versions of themselves. I want to be the right person for myself, for others, and for our country (because the politics right now is messed up). I want to travel the world. I want to help so many people. I want to be someone's home, to feel at home, and to create a home for every child who never had one. I just want to do everything I can't do now. :(((( But right now, all I'm experiencing makes me wish I were gone. I'm surrounded by toxic people—bullies, creeps, selfish people (in the worst way), and family and relatives who always make me feel like I'm not enough, like I don’t belong anywhere, like I’m not pretty, not loved, not cared for. I'm not okay. I’m seriously not. I feel so insecure—around my friends, my cousins, strangers, everyone. I feel so small when I’m with my friends. I feel lonely even when I'm with my family. I feel hurt when I’m around my relatives. I feel hurt by everyone. I feel so alone and empty that I want to disappear. I feel like the only way I’ll be okay is if I talk to a professional and stay in a place where no one else is. I'm so lost. What am I supposed to do?