A letter from Mar 09, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Hi my dearest little Stuart, you might not recognize me with this nickname I have given you but as far as I remember, I have always told you that you look like a rat in 'that' drama, I couldn't remember, though, it was all just a casual thing before for me. This letter will be my little confession of how I have come to admire a guy as great as you are. But before that, I just want to say what pushed me to write this letter: I heard you are leaving our program, and I thought you were just indecisive at that time, so I was reluctant to believe it even though a part of me was already feeling discomfort with the thought of you leaving. But the way my heart stopped when I read your message in our group chat, of you asking permission to leave because you are changing programs, man, the discomfort I have been suppressing these days felt suffocating, it is as though a part of me had died and in a sudden I have lost all my purpose to go to school, crazy right? Back to the story, I didn't know when I started liking you or why and how? Like I know you are silahis, but what could I do with my emotions? I had my eyes on you even before I knew your name. It’s strange because, at first, I wasn’t interested in you at all—yet somehow, I kept noticing you. In our classroom, lost in your own world, you always caught my attention as if I were unconsciously drawn to you. I know I’m no stranger to you, and the moment I add something familiar here, you’ll recognize me right away. At first, it was just a subtle thing—you’d catch my attention for a moment, but nothing more. Then we became friends, and strangely, I started noticing you less. Sometimes, it felt like I wasn’t even aware of your presence, maybe because I was too focused on other things. But even then, I always found you cute and funny—your jokes, your quirky messages, your playful attitude. The way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the way you style your hair—man, that never failed to make my heart flutter. Your confidence, your talent in dancing, your little embarrassments, even your loneliness—I noticed them all. And somewhere along the way, I grew to admire them… and you—crazily, hopelessly. But when did it really start? Maybe it was when you got closer to us—because, even though we were friends, we weren’t that close before. As I got to know you beyond those subtle things I used to notice, I realized just how much of a loner you really are. I became aware that my feelings for you were growing, but I let myself indulge in the idea of liking you. I mean, you’re so fine—why not? I thought it was just a simple crush, something lighthearted. But then, I felt a sting inside me when you didn’t give me attention, when I saw you laughing and talking with others like I wasn’t even there. You weren’t mine, so why the hell was I feeling this way? That’s when I knew—I messed up. So, I distanced myself. So, through this letter, I want to say that someone out there sees you—truly sees you. Someone out there witnesses how great of a man you are. Someone out there silently wishes to see you smile every day. Someone out there is dying to talk to you, even just for a moment, just to make your day a little easier. Someone out there admires you in ways you may never realize. Someone out there notices it all—your sad moments, your lonely moments, the days when the weight of the world seems heavier on your shoulders. Someone out there sees the way you withdraw, the way you drift into your own world, the way you shut people out without meaning to. And still, that someone is willing to step aside just to make space for you, to accommodate you in any way possible. Someone out there is willing to make a fool of herself just to get your attention, even when you don’t ask for it. And that someone… is me. I like you from the deepest part of my being, from the very core of my existence, from the bottom of my hypothalamus. I like you despite your craziness, your quirks, your loner tendencies. I like you even in those moments when you emotionally detach, when you ignore your friends, when you act like you don’t care. I’ve grown to like you more than the fictional characters I once thought were impossible to surpass. I like you, my little Stuart. Wishing you nothing but the best in your future endeavors. And if, by some miracle, you ever stumble upon this confession, I just want you to know—there is someone out there who admires you, who sees you, and to whom you have unknowingly become the most important part of her day.