A letter from Mar 07, 2025

Dear Future Eliza! You know.... things aren't the best because of my mental state right now. I am so in love with that guy. I'm praying I'm focusing on God much more... but I'm still in love. That dumbass doesn't even get how loved he is. I'm trying to forget it all, I'm telling myself I don't care, sometimes I even say that I hate him for not visiting me in the end. However, the more I deny my feelings the stronger they fall back on me, with more weight. Just please don't give up! Don't turn away from Jesus please. I'm not sure if you are still waiting for something to miraculously happen but trust God's timing. I'm trying to tell this to myself every single day. Of course I still cry a lot. A lot. Being in love with someone who was with you for so long hurts soso much. I love Noah. I'm in love with Noah. But the best way to show this is just staying away from him I guess... for now. If this really is the end of him and me then God heals me right? I'm still so broken. But I can't be mad and wish him bad things. I just wish he would love me the same way. He said he loves me forever but is it really love if he broke me this much? This is something the current me can't answer. Maybe you won't be able to answer it either. I wonder if any changes happen regarding this situation. Or are you still sad over everything that happened? I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case either. I hope you chose some nice universities by the way. I hope your job is treating you well. I hope Noah got closer to God. And whatever happens between you and him... I just hope from the bottom of my heart that you're healed. I hope you can look back at me and just giggle about everything. And I hope you're closer to God than you've ever been before. A part of me hopes that Noah is also back in my life but I can't... I can't be delusional. However I can't deny it anymore. I'm still in love with him. He's my first love. My precious first love. I never felt like this about anyone in my life before him. And I love Jesus. Through him I'll find peace. And love. Through him I'll be able to love without bitterness. His love can reach Noah too right? I believe with my whole heart that this is the case. So dear me in one year don't give up!! Sometimes I hate myself but you are the only human who's there with me all the time. The only human feeling my feelings and seeing my thoughts. So I love you. You are loved. Be happy!! God bless you💗