A letter from Mar 03, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Hi future pom! so it’s 12:20 am right now and im currently at home (and im alone). i was going through kuya ram’s stuff and i found his journal on the table, i know it’s nosy but im just curious. well i read all of his entries and funny cuz he actually have a personality?? idk maybe i just really didn’t know him at all that’s why im so shocked when i read his entries. anw, life update rn. 2nd semester is starting and actually my schedule is pretty good. bagani prod also just come to an end and even tho we didn’t win any awards, im still so so so proud of us bcos it’s our first production. i enjoyed doing prodworks so much and i really hope it lasted more. of course hindi naman mawawala ang stress during prod lalo na kasi first time ko mag head, but all the stress and pagod is sooooo worth it. also pala, ive been thinking for a while now, remember when i said i wanted to be a director? well im kinda doubting myself na rn kasi what if hindi ko mapull off? i know naman na it takes time to learn but pagiging head pa nga lang (na kailangan kong magdesisyon at nasakin ang go signal sa team) nahihirapan nako, pano pa kaya pag director na? but still, kahit na sobrang down na down ko rn na future ko, i still wanna pursue directing. so new plan is, this 2nd semester (if may prod ulit sa section) mag hhead ulit ako or if kaya ko, stage manager/aad na. kasi i really need to learn how to lead. i know i have it in me, i had it before during jhs eh, even yung mga teachers namin alam na ako palagi ang tamang leader sa mga groupings, ginawa pa nga akong president sa mym ni maam yabut, so i know i have it in me. nawala lang yung courage and leadership ko during pandemic and shs kasi sobrang nadown at nadepress ako that time but im planning to take it back na. i need to learn my leadership style at i need to learn how to handle responsibility. hindi talaga ako papayag na hindi ako magkaroon ng directing debut before may third year (directing class). also, ive been thinking din pala na i should push myself na itry mag act. i know hindi ko forte yun, but it would be better for my directing career if may experience ako mag act right? it takes time and everyone is trying as hard as i am, so why not just go out there and be free? kapag may nag open na auditions, i will force myself to go. kahit na hindi ko makuha yun role, basta maranasan kong mag audition, it will be a very big step for me na. i know im strong deep inside. i can do this. i hope maging proud ka sakin or sa sarili mo future self, and i hope pag nababasa mo na to rn, when you look back, magiging proud ka at happy dahil naachieve mo yung plan mo. we’ll be fine, more than fine :)