A letter from February 26th, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I know I made a letter for myself in 5 years but I'm impatient so like **** lol how'd the T break go? I hope it went well and I didn't end up in a hospital for a crash out, anyway wow 6 months ago I was high asf pulling an all nigher and I made one for 5 years from now and called myself an emo coke ***** *** LMFAO that's some **** zan would have called me, **** I wonder how he's doing, despite him being a horrible person I guess I'm glad he's alive and doing better? idk I'm not a psychopath with no empathy. OH YEAH HAVE WE GATHERED MONEY TO GO MOVE WITH NYX??? god I hope so living with mom has been unbearable, I mean I know she's going through things but so is my dad like mom has been cheating and dad doesn't care cues he's emotionally unattached to her but still it hurts me, I don't know why but it hurts and I've never been more alone then now. I mean I have friends and family but my depression has been acting up and it feels like middle school all over again except with drugs involved. I want to get my **** together so I can have a future but I wasn't even supposed to live this long I was supposed to die when I was 14 and that didn't work then 15 then 16 and 17 and 18 and im turning 19 but I'm not excited it's ok tho I can do it. I'm 6 hits deep and it's late and I'm sad so buckle up ***** anyway I'm almost 19 still living with my parents fml and I'm not even in college yet like I hope I'm in college by the time I'm reading this and I hope I'm starting my weight loss journey I need to stop eating at night, that's the only time I eat cues I'm high but **** I can't starve sober but if I'm high I want to eat, man this is an issue, I can just eat 1-2 small small meals with little calories and work out like crazy in my free time, god it's middle school all over again lmao anyway man I'm ******* starving but it's too late to eat it 3:56. OMG THE CONCERTS AND PARTIES HOWS THAT?! did we get roofied???? I hope not I can't afford any more SA and trauma then I'll really have to kms. did Liz have her baby yet? how's the baby? was he a cute new born or one of those ugly ones who look like a white grandpa who's been in ww2 and Vietnam, or somewhere in the middle, yk it's a safe space here no need to lie 😏 anyway I hope I can have my own kid someday, stupid cancer lol man I remember nights like these, my stomach hurts because of how hungry I am, I'm tired but I can't sleep I feel nothing and music is playing, only difference is I'm high while doing all of this. Man if cookie dies ima **** myself cues ain't no ******* way I can do this ***** without her I mean she is 9 and idk how long her breed of cat lives for so that's fun but she's Mexican she'll live till I'm 30 at max anyway have you gotten together with Sada? if not that's ok ig I mean I'll be sad I really like her, in fact we're otp and she's asleep and I'm supposed to be asleep and it is 4:09 and I have a heart appointment today at 1:15 but I'll be ok man I'm so ******* tired anyway this has gotten wayyyyyy to long mb G I'll let you sleep GOOD NIGHTTTTT I LOVE YOUUUU 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻