A letter from Feb 24, 2025

Dear Future Me, monday. raining. pondering about the time i watched barbie in cinema with friends and looking back i realized i was out of my head then but i needed to watch that movie for the glitters? the pink? the collective girlhood of that time? for my sanity? nevertheless i did watched it and bawled my eyes out during the barbie speech. that was what i needed to hear. it was so perfect to me. i never understood why i hated pink so much when i was a kid, look at me now. all in for anything girly. im reclaiming my self, my childhood, my femininity, my girlhood. no man will ever understand. no man will ever get to this point of realization, emotional aspects. women are so ahead of everything. we are literally living descendants of goddesses. no man will ever get to our level. do i wish i realize this all sooner? yes. 4 years ago i was on a ditch. i, for some reason, entangled myself to something so low life. so rotten. so beyond evil i must say. but all that thing does has nothing to do with me. i was just really unfortunate to be with that. the anger seeps right through me until now. until now i fantasize on holding a *** to his head. knife. beat it to *****. push it down the tallest building. i never cared. i wish i could let go of this anger and be left with nothing. but until i see that thing on misery... today i reflected so much about all that's happened to me. reasoned out everything. found loopholes and fixed it. but it doesn't matter because it's all in the past. the present? picture a 22 year old girl laying around the whole day. never leaving their house. no prospects. no school. no income. that's the present. do i get out of this? i could only hope... (where are you now?) i might be heading to camiguin two days from now but i don't know. we'll see. what happened? (question for future self) sometimes. no scratch that. everyday, i think about leaving this town for awhile. i have been. since i turned 15 we both knew it's everything we ever wanted. key word though (for awhile) i wanted to explore. to learn things by my own. do things. meet new people. talk to strangers. climb mountains. see nature. daragang magayon. expand my spirituality (dayawism) worship earth. conserve. help. read books. plants. flowers. night sky. candle magic. islands. ocean. animals. oh how i want to live. be yourself ♡ Love by you, always and forever.