A letter from Feb 23, 2025

Dear Lai, Breathe. Pause. It's gonna be okay. I'm proud of you! How are you? I hope you are in a much better place now. This year was typically hard for me, I always think of ending my life just because I can't take it anymore. As you know, I have been suffering DPDR for about 7 years now. College wasn't so easy as I thought it would be. I did not meet the people I hoped to meet. I planned on quitting or taking a gap year before proceeding to 2nd year because I am afraid that if I don't, I might actually **** myself because I can't take it anymore. I am hoping for change, but I don't want to take action. My body seems frozen in time, it hurts to see myself this way. I know myself as someone whose very social, I love talking to people but now I am so afraid to do so. Does it get better? I hope it did. I hope you are able to get the help you deserve. I hope we get to wear the sundresses we would want to wear. I hope we finally get the tattoo we think about. A semicolon that symbolizes our strength, a symbol that we finally made it. I survived. We survived. How are you? Are you finally happy? where do you live right now? I want to hug you. Please be gentle with yourself, you deserve to be loved and cherished. I love you, please forgive me If I can't do any better right now. I hope you get to live the life you have always dreamed of. A life that's calm, happy, and free. I hope you got to the other side. The brighter side of life. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy and to live. I love you ; - lai