A letter from Feb 23, 2025

Dear One Year Later MD, should i greet you first? ok fine hahaha hey, MD. i don’t know what i’m really going to say to you. i probably wrote this for you because perhaps i was bored, or just wanna make you cry after one year haha. silly me. lately, i knew you just wanted to get busy because you don’t want to face your emotions. you want a lot of plates to do, because you’re afraid to face your emotions. and you don’t want to weep, you don’t want to be dramatic, that’s why you’re holding your emotions. ahm. . . you’re going through a lot, and you never asked for help, wow. are you really an avoidant or just trying to stay calm in every situation that has been transpired? why are you forcing yourself not to weep? why are you not taking their hands when they offered? why are you afraid to show them you’re vulnerable? i know a lot of things happened to you. ahm . . . you lost your parents and your older sister, you didn’t have a time to mourn from their deaths. you didn’t have a time to grief. you lost your home also, you lost everything. . .but i’m happy because you didn’t become cruel, you didn’t wail, and you faced all the chaos. . . alone bravely. all those moments when you just want to isolate yourself i knew you had to comfort yourself because you don’t really want to be a burden to anyone. everyone around you is carrying baggages on their shoulders and you didn’t want to be a burden. . . that’s so you, you always wanted to be alone. every time someone wants to offer their hand to you, you always refused because that’s so you since then. that’s so you, right? but when everyone around you is going through something, you always show up. come on! at least, show up for yourself. what’s wrong with you? why are you like that? i hope you will be happy, where you are in a calm sea, where you can walk freely, i hope somehow every sad moments you got—taught you valuable lessons. it’s going to be alright, ********! you’ll get through this. . . and you will be happy. i knew you always miss your mom’s cook, you’re so sick of eating your own cook food, cooking noodles, and stop eating fried chicken lol! i knew you always miss your dad, every time you went home, you always saw him at the door, sitting alone and watching a t.v. . . and i knew you miss your older sister who kept on telling you you’re always in your own world hahaha and. . . what else, dimwit? i knew you wanted to go back and rewind everything, but life doesn’t have rewind, and you can’t control everything, i knew you wanted to get close to your family, maybe with that you’ll create more happy memories with your parents, where you didn’t stay inside of your room, maybe by that you spent more time with them rather than staying inside your room, isolating yourself. i knew you didn’t have a close relationship with your parents, just casual where you always thought that you’re staying at a boarding house, not cool to think that way hahaha but it already happened. you’ve been running on autopilot, going through the motions of life without ever stopping to think about what you truly want. do you still remember the times you’d wake up, feeling exhausted, yet still forcing yourself to get out of bed. you’d think about how to survive another day, rather than how to truly live. you’d forgotten what it means to enjoy life, to find joy in the simple things, and to appreciate the beauty around you. instead, you were stuck in a cycle of mere existence — just trying to make it through each day. and i knew somehow, when you read your books, when you indulge yourself in drinking iced coffee, when you have good laughter with your friends—i knew these moments, you truly lived. you will be happy someday. don’t blame yourself. . . and please, it’s alright to cry. don’t cover your loneliness with your ****** humor and jokes hahaha! come on, it’s alright to ask for help and it’s alright to cry. we have a long way to go, we have a lot of things to discover, books to read, words to letter, places we want to go, and people we meet along the way. so hold on tight, soar high in safe skies, do not let your boat sink, and we will be fine. i don’t know why i’m writing this for you, and maybe you would forget that you wrote this for your one year later self. but i put a schedule, and i'm sure this is going to pop up on your notif! i don’t want to make you cry, but this sure does will make you cry because you literally bawled your eyes out while writing this. i love you and take care always>>> love, mD