A letter from Feb 20, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Hi, By future i mean me in 12 months Not enough time for any thing to meaningfully change but oh well So what exactly do we plan to do once im NOT accepted into uni… again? worse than that what if i get accepted here? Ik we ususally just ignore these things, planning is really not our strong suit but i think ive been avoiding it for way too long I wont bore you with the details but more than likely next year today i will be sitting exactly here Ill be a year older but other than ill have the exact problem im having right now only itll be harder to solve **** If youre wondering how we got here its bc we didnt apply for the univercities we were garanteed to get into because, A) it honestly wouldnt have made a diffrence, i rather take a gap year than study at a univercity i dont care about. and more importantly B) we quitly frankly forgot to apply on the last day before the extended deadline bc we were busy… having a conversation, a conversation that felt like doing hardcore drugs. I like to tell myself reason A not only excuses this shortcoming but maybe renders it as careful calculation instead of a mistake. Sry i said i wouldnt bore you with details, But then again if we were currently attending a ****** school id have an explanation for the gap they are questioning me about, Or maybe if i were in a ****** school i wouldnt have applied for a better one in the first place, I keep trying to back track and figure exactly when i made a mistake and exactly where i took the first mistep, but theres reallty no way to know anything before the story unfolds itself. Maybe if id applied last year i wouldnt have hadf this issue with the gap year today, or maybe if i had applied last year they wouldnt have even look twice at my application, plus i didnt have the means to apply last year anyway, dad didnt want me to apply and i didnt know how to do it without his help Maybe thats an excuse i was 18 years old i shouldve figured it out. Maybe despite everything i should have done everything in my power to get accepted ANYWHERE bc an entire year without getting out there and doing something is not healthy for me Maybe thats why they need to know ive been doing something this whole year But also, i had community and somewhere to be and something to do for three whole years and it was hell, im much a happier now that iu dont have to be somewhere i dont want to go and i dont hjave to see people id rather not even know See if im going to uni it has to be somewhere i want to be. Im sure we will think of something. Maybe next year when i still cant get accepted into uni ill just go find a job and give up on this entirely, ill find something else to do, i dont HAVE to go to collage or whatever maybe ill see if i can sell art at a galary, itd be a shame if in 20 years im just a teacher i would hate that but currently its the only path that sounds realistic God i hate children and school i would hate to go back I just want somewhere to rot in peace ;( I just want to play my video games and read my silly books and draw ****** art and listen to emo ahh music In peace Without being disturbed Remember where i imagined you would be in two years, now wasnt that silly Idealistictly ill be in univercity have my own apartment and a cat Realisticly ill be a year older and have none of that Multiple cats actually Love you despite everything Your dearest friend, saba the send button deosnt fking work ;/