A letter from Feb 18, 2025

Dear FutureMe. What are you doing right now? Probably still worrying about your exam eh? You probably are preparing for your graduation thesis right now, or probably looking for internship, like everybody else. Or maybe not, I learnt to not be so sure of the future as it can change a lot in 1 year. We have changed so much in the last 2 years. Not in a good way though. We had to fight depression and anxiety attacks, not to mention the fact that our so-called best friends gave us the silent treatment in our darkest time. I used to think that friendship lasts forever, or at least until we get old. Guess not. Have you found your purpose to live now? Something must be wrong with me, or my brain was wired weird. My parents were so caring and thoughtful, I have done okay academically, I have pets, I have lots of hobbies, and I still have some of my friends even though things have been rough lately. Yet I still was suicidal. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Have you found your partner yet? I actually can't find any people attractive anymore, like I lost my interest in humans. I have not liked anyone for the past, what, 2 years. Exactly when things changed so much. One thing about me is that with my friends, I'm anxiously detached, while with my partner, I have a distant attachment style. Is it possible for me to open my heart again, after all this? I'm still young and have a lot to do. But I lost my "wants". Do people often not really want anything? Or is it just me. This is so much of a rant than an actual letter. Sorry not sorry future me. I hope you been well, and learn many things along the way. I hope you find love within yourself. Sincerely, T.