A letter from Feb 18, 2025

Dear FutureMe, hi It's been a while. I was honestly avoiding talking to you. It's been 5 months since your letter came. I pinned it. It's the one from 2020, still a baby. It scares me I think. Talking to you, connecting to you. Reality scares me, uncertainty, and my fear of failure. I am stuck, in the inbetween. I can proudly say I have had more lucid moments lately. It feels like progress. But- like an alcoholic finally sobering up, his terrifying realisation of what his life has become hits him like a train, I am as well. All the anxiety, discomfort and emptyness is here again. Not like it ever left. I am really grateful though. For that one moment of clarity, of pure discomfort and unhappiness in my being, because it told me I need to fix this. It's kind of funny, how I was still going through the motions even in therapy. Stuck in a cycle. HA, lowkey mad at my therapist that she didn't catch this, but more at myself. - So that's where we're at! Emotionally, psychologically. Yea... WE GOT THIS I heard a quote recently; it said "You can't wait to heal before you let yourself feel happy. You have to let yourself feel happy to heal" And the moments I do let myself be, they feel so nostalgic. Anyways, A little bit about my time, I am still living in the same place, I am trying to finish university, and I am not really drawing anymore, some little doodles here and there. I am sorry about that. I will get back on it, I promise. I did some cool things! I made my second biggest acrylic painting ever back in December. I always forget about that. I swam in the sea at the start of this month. It was cold, but so worth it. I travelled with a friend to our mutual friend's house and had a great time together. Some bad things also happend, but bad things always happen. What matters is how you deal with things. And our family and the good people around us. Life is not so bleak, if you let yourself dream a little. I am really excited to hear from you. I wish you the best. I know you can do it. It doesn't matter how old you get, what matters is that you are alive and living! I hope when I hear from you next, you will have achieved some of your goals too! I must accept this daily battle to get to be here. For real. someday I'll get it <3 I love you, M