A letter from Feb 12, 2025

Dear FutureMe, So much has happened this past month. I wish I had written this email 6 months ago so I could go over what has happened. It has been almost 3 months since I broke up with Juan Camilo. I never thought I would be in this position of reorganizing my life so drastically, much less be out in the world dating. Juan Camilo was truly what I believed to be my one and true love, the literal definition of the love of my life. But it came to an end. I still feel a bit confused and sometimes its hard for me to leave the past be, sadly I still dwell on the what could have been. But I can say that its slowly getting better, and honestly time does heal these types of wounds- those first few days felt like every minute was an excruciating hour. And every hour felt like a thousand years marked by a million knife wounds to my heart. I honestly had never felt so dead inside then I did at that time. But currently, I am feeling alot better. I started the gym and Im 1 month in, Ive been able to gain back 3lbs and Im enjoying my time doing exercise. I really want to get stronger and put time into my body, through exercise and eating better. I have been living alone for 3 years, and for alot of those years I wasnt fueling my body correctly. Now Im truly investing in myself, Im free to spend my money however I wish. Im doing my best to eat better meals and enough for what my body is asking, and I can feel the difference already On the topic of dating, I just went through a very interesting friendzoning from Esteban. Im feeling very uneasy about this situation, I felt like I had a connection with this man but he decided to take it all away. Its very confusing, but Im also relieved that this conversation happened sooner rather than later. I cant lie when I say that I hope that in 6 months time we can figure this out and be together. Im trying to be realistic and not get my hopes up by believing that a MAN would actually change his mind. I do want to be someone's first choice and it hurts to know that this man is willingly giving me up, putting unresolved trauma onto me and not taking my opinion into consideration. Im also seeing Lucas, but I honestly dont feel that strong of a connection with him than what I had with Esteban. Its nice to be in the dating world again because this time around Im not living at home and have complete liberty to do as I want, but its also frustrating to have to get to know people knowing that I have so much uncertainty of where things are going. I guess I miss that security that I had with my relationship. I feel like I have so much love to give and I just want someone to give that to. The person that I wanted to give that to didnt want me, so I must continue on with life and surely enough I will find someone. Alot has changed in the last year but Im excited to know what will happen in the next 6 months.