A letter from Feb 10, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Its me again i mean im so hurt writing this because i just dont know . This time frll i feel like quitting. How do i study for hrs and hrs and when a paper comes there is nothing that came that i read even guessing is hard for me because everything i guess is wrong and when u ask others how they did they say it was fine when you was struggling . I WANT TO QUIT like im tired of feeling dumb all the time the pressure the stress its like i already know the outcome but i try to lie to myself its going to be good i try giving myself hope all the time but what for...............y .................. y do i keep trying even tho ik there is nothing good ahead i lie lie and lie but what . Today monday wasnt a good day i didn't like it my hurt has just been sorrowful the whole day and im scared i feel like i cant be good i mean its been 4 ******* yrs and i have nvr even once gotten a good grade and here i am final yr again probably going to fail myself like i did on my last national exams . Im dissapointed and i hate to feel like this . I keep telling myself that its just one more yr but a yr has good and bad days well mine are just boring and stressful i have no close friend anymore its just me when i try getting a friend then we become close and i do smth girly im called lesbian and if others do what i did they arent well tell me whats the point of trying anymore y do i need to sleep and wake up when i can just sleep and not wake up im actually reaching that point where i feel im going to burst ........................