A letter from Feb 09, 2025

Dear FutureMe, hey sofia, it feb 9 2025 and im not feeling ready for high school. I feel like im being ignored by all of my friends at swimming because last meet when eloise finished her 400 race she was lowkey kinda selling and she was sleeping, so I realized that she culdve gotten a better time. So when she got out of the water and I ran up to her and told her that she was sleeping and that she coulve gotten a better time and she looked a little annoyed and brushed me off. Also that day I was the only one that made finals so I had noone to talk to exept for Karina and she wouldna talk to me. I feel like becuase I am like literally the slowest out of seniors they all treat me differently. I also have like a ruff relationship with kirsten becuase I havent talked to her for like about almost a year now and I feel like shes treating me like a little kid when I do talk to her and not like her friend. Also im really scared becuase when highschool starts I most likely will never see Emi, or Ami, or Issabella again and I really wanny cry becuase I realise that ill miss them even with all of our differences. I feel like Im being a b***ch to Isabella becuase Im, snapping at her more then anyone else and I feel like I side with Amelia more then Emi or Isabella becuase subconsouisely I think that she is very cool and I wanna be like her. I wanna apologise to Isabella and Eloise but idk how. Also today in our private shat 2 milliseconds with Eloise, Nelly and Dasha, they sent a snap of all three of them at mornings practise having funn. Also a photo at division 1 with a hoodie. I feel like they have more fun without me then with me, even thouth wen they went to the mall w out me they still @tted me in the story, so idk how to feel. I relize now that what my mom was saying about my dad was true. That he is manipulating and an *******. he still thinks that my mom signed me up for swimming and for plast it was becuase she wanted me to stop seing himm but in reality it was becuase I asked her too. I also want to stop seing him(do you still see him or what) because hes usually pressuring me into leing to my mom. I feel like he is doing that becuase he want leverage on her. Im really want to tell him that I wont see him all of the time becuase I wanna start to work but I feel like hell start gaslighting me into thinking that I don't love him anymore. but sometimes I feel like id be better off without him, even though he got me like a phone. Hes caused me like a lot of stres and sometimes I've physically shaken because I was trying to lie to my mother. I feel like he doesn't know me anymore because he doesn't even know what to get me for my birthday. I feel like the only thing he knows about me is like that I am obsessed with my phone and that I "like spending money". I don't like doing it but like its the only thing he ever gives me. He want to spend more time with me but like we dont even do anything together anymore. Idk someday I just wanna crawl under my blankest and cry.Do you ever feel like that? How is it without Ami, Emi, and Isabella now? Are you and kirsten talking now? How is your realtion ship with our mother figure? I wanna be the best at swimming and be better then Eloise at somthing but I feel like she too fast. Idk, idk, idk, idk, idk, idk wat I want to do with my life. I love you.. remmember that pls. Also remember that you are strong and indepentand, and that your are beutifull and that ill always love you no matter what becuase you are me, and I am you. bye boo