A letter from Feb 08, 2025

8th feb 2025 saturday hey tom i’m gonna do a thing where every day for a year you’re gonna get a letter from yourself and read them properly don’t delete them cus it’s nice to have im going to summarise my day and then advice or a quote idk but i’ll try to be consistent ok remember this is for you to read so you don’t make the same mistakes again 12:14 yesterday i watched parasite with jamie it was really good but he skipped a bit but it’s fine i understood the general message and then we sung a hymn in night prayers which was kind of weird but i heard astin speak for the first time so idk. then at like 11:15 I went down to jamie’s and we yk and i really had fun but i think he faked finishing and then he pretended to clean up but then i yk and i felt something on my hand so i know that was real and when i finished i thought of something else like yeah im attracted to jamie duh but idk its weird and he told me he watched porn but i couldn’t tell if he was serious kind of weirded me out and whilst we were having fun he got camera out and i liked it more than the first time but idk if i looked good i tried to be non chalant which hmm idk kind of and i really hope they were good photos/videos and then we cleaned up and chatted and it was kind of bittersweet because he asked me if it upset me that he hadn’t asked me out yet and i would love it if he did but i 100% like him more than he likes me so idk i told him i didn’t understand and he said it’s fine but i really want to be with him properly even if it’s for a short time and i know im gonna be a wreck when he’s gone but i should stop yapping about him. pablos gone to arthur bridges house for a sleepover so my first weekend alone which is sad because i dont know what im gonna do when pablo leaves i made chocolate pizza in saturday active and i really want the last slice but i dont want jamie to see me eating it because he’ll think i’m fat and he won’t think i’m trying to look nice also back on jamie i think i give really bad head like im very teethy and i have an awful gag reflex also he sends me loads of instagram reels and i don’t know how to respond like… some are cringy some are just so random and i like doing cheeky stuff with him but its nice to sit and watch a film or just chat without doing anything else. he still thinks im 15 16 in april so i guess we’ll find out where that takes me i really hope he never finds out but also he told some of his friends about me and i like that but i dont know if this is exclusive or what cus he’s going belgium in half term and like its kind of obvious what he’s gonna do and like im trying not to care but he never said i was the only one and said to me he cheated on a guy so idk i shouldn’t expect much i should let him live and shouldn't be a female dog about it cus like he’s 18 he can do what he wants. fast forward it’s like 3 and i’m in his room and he’s studying maths he ordered pizza and it’s coming in 45 minutes which is shocking but… im going to go get dinner with dominica takeout she wants sushi but i don’t really im craving chinese or pizza but we’ll see. 5:00 jamie’s having a nap im on his chair and im going in like 15 but idk how he’ll feel probably fine i can’t wait to do cooking in half term. 8:15 oh my ******* goodness so i asked mr andrews can i skip dinner he didn’t even read the message so i asked holmes and he just asked who with and i said dominica and then he just aired me so i went on a little walk with dominica and yeah and then we ordered pizza and me hanson came in and was like oh you have to go cus it’s dinner and dominica asked to go for a walk whilst we weren’t allowed in saint marys and he was like no so we walked over to saint paul’s and i tapped in there on orah then holmes messaged me on teams and was like come on now to the dining hall and check in with me and i went and he was like where have you been nobody knew where you were and then he was like tom are you weekly or not should you be here then he was like sit in the dining room and then dominica go st marys and he to me go to st paul’s and then we said we ordered food and then he was just like go and we walked into dining hall and mel and mr hanson wanted to talk to us and they were like that’s so dangerous your 13 which i rlly hope jamie didn’t notice but earlier he told me get on mel’s good side and that’s gone to poo hasn’t it. so then we sat in dining hall and we left and mr hanson was just yapping cus he thought we ordered the food after he said we had to leave and then the delivery driver called me and was like i’ve been waiting for 10 minutes so i went and got it dominica went to st marys and then i just waited on the sofas for like half and hour and then dominica came in and we ate it was soooo tasty but then she left and i don’t know because jamie hasn’t asked me to come down which i really hope he isn’t angry at me because i think that would be the worst thing that would really wreck me and my arms getting bad like very bad i genuinely can’t stop im not even sad i just really like the feeling and seeing the blood also from earlier i had that pizza slice and it was lush. 10:09 just showered and i went to check in before and holmes didn’t even care which really pmo. 11:04 just been violently crying and i had a nosebleed i genuinely think im in love he’s asked me to be his boyfriend of course i said yes i’ve felt so uneasy and off recently but i feel like my life is finally starting to make sense no words at all im not going to his room tonight but that’s fine. i can honestly say today has been the most eventful day of my life. night night stay safe xoxo quote for the day: todays mood cvnty with a chance of sarcasm