A letter from February 6th, 2025

Dear FutureMe,
hi today was just not the best at school so hopefully when I'm reading this later on it will be better.
honestly I'm just doing this to vent really even though I don't want to think about it. When class started I was already on edge because we had a test and i thought i wasn't ready for it but I guess I was because I got a good grade. I don't know what triggered it in 2 block class but towards the end of class I wanted to cry for some reason. I tried to hold it back during win time (basically 30 minute study period) but I just couldn't and felt like I couldn't breathe trying to control myself. My face was all red,nose runny, I was shaking a little and  1 or 2 tears got loose. Lucky this time it wasn't that bad compared to other mental break downs or anxiety attacks in class and instead it happened the moment I saw him in the front office waiting for me. He knew something was up because the moment he saw me he knew that I was bearly holding on. I couldn't even get out of the front office before I started to cry and didn't want to cause a scene so I walked right out and straight to the car. Just as I thought I would be crying again typing this thinking about it but I just hate feeling this way EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't like feeling like I'm going to pass out because I'm so anxious and stressed. this is the 5th time this has happened throughout the school year and I just started the 2nd semester 5 weeks ago. I know high school wasn't going to be easy but I was so wrong when I thought it would be better than middle school and those years between the ages 11 to 13 was not the best and let's just say it was my dark times not thinking straight and it still is like that once in awhile.                                             I just had to vent sorry.......