A letter from Feb 06, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Today marks 9 days since your big brother died and you get his ashes back today. I’ve realized most “first days” in my life were something to celebrate until now. There was the first day I lived without you. There was the first day I ate when you no longer were here on this earth. There was the first day after your funeral and today is the first day that your body is gone, really gone. There are so many firsts coming up. First day back to work. My first birthday without you, first Easter, first Fourth of July. It’s like when I look forward, my grief is traveling into the future and already gripping onto each one of those firsts before it even happens. And when I look backward, my grief is weaving itself through every memory I have of you because I now know how your story ends. And it isn’t fair. You were 32. And one day I will be older than you ever were. I don’t know how to do all these firsts without you. But I will. I have to. I love you big brother. Rest peacefully