A letter from Feb 05, 2025

Wow, what a last few days. It is February 5th. One February 1st after completing a 4.5 mile run I thought my neck was sore and while feeling around it, I realized that I was feeling a lymph node that was larger / harder than it should be. With the past cancer diagnosis, this of course brings a lot of feelings (to say the least) into the picture and brings a lot of questions into my mind about what the future looks like for me, my wife, and specifically my 3 and 4 year old. I have an appoint with oncology tomorrow to begin exploring what this is and it could be anything from something really bad to my sinuses doing something strange. Regardless it puts you in an interesting headspace and currently I'm holding "roughly" in the middle with neither naïve hopefulness nor tail-spinning into a depression. In the meantime, I've been wondering about the word "assurance" when it comes to faith. I've believed in Christ since I was 9 (and now 38) and have neither sought assurance or even prayed for it. I just assumed it was a gift to the faithful and I wasn't in that group. Its amazing to me how throughout my life I usually get in the most trouble... when I become self-reliant and just try to bulldog through a problem. The amazing thing is that God has revealed a TON to me basically since Sunday at church. Worshipping and thinking about that and listening to a lot of sermons on 1st John (thanks Tim Keller), I just feel he has exploded my heart with that gift of assurance. I now can just get it when biblical authors say things like "count it all joy" or what Jesus was saying it is our job to pray for "Your Kingdom come they will be done on heaven and earth." That simply is our commission every day - we get the great joy of taking that on every day, in every situation. Whether my life has 6 months or 30+ years left (and I'm praying for the latter), I plan to run the race with endurance and pull down as much of heaven into people's lives because it is a "rebirth" experience when Christ makes a home in your heart. Thank you Lord for your perfect gift and perfect sacrifice to cover my sins, thank for you the exceedingly kind gift of assurance on top of that!