A letter from Feb 05, 2025

Dear Hiba, how did our exams go? i should have wrote this letter on our 14th birthday but i forgot. anyways, how's life? mama baba khush hain? cause I'm very worried. I'm so worried that i will fail horribly and disappoint my parents. I'm trying to study everyday but I'm afraid that the things I'm studying is slipping my brain. also, rn, I'm very worried about my friendship with rahymeen. i was more worried last week, but a few days ago i wrote a long paragraph about how worried i was about my studies and that im afraid ill dissapoint my parents. she wrote an evem longer paragraph and im literally touched. im so gratefull and thankfull for her but idk. i just feel like soemthing is wrong. i hope by the time u get this letter, ur happy and not worried or upset over anything. ive started ti write peotry. i cant write everyday tho. its kinda hard to write everyday when i should be studying instead. im really worried. i dont want to dissapoint my parents at all. btw, wajeeha is a great friend. i loveee her energy but fatima has started to become kind of toxic. its 10 right now, at night. mom and dad are in their room. haziq is sleeping. i want to sleep but i want to study. yk now i feel like not living. things have gotten so hard and i worry over little things. one moment i want to do everything, im estatic and jumping from energy. and the other, im quiet and worried about everything, and regret every decision ive ever made. i want to cry. i want to scream. but i dont want attention. but at the same time, i want attention, i want validation. i want people to like me, to want to be friends with me. and i want people to stop taking advantage of me since im just a little girl in their eyes. i hate it. absolutely hate it. i want to say so many thigs but i cant put them into words. i'll maybe write in a few days again. until then, byebye. take care of yourself, please. xoxo hiba