A letter from Feb 01, 2025

dear unstable puppy doll, i dont know how you are, i wonder if you're better than i am now. i wonder if you dont let the guilt consume you and let it bleed out of you the way we did. i dont know if youre still searching for someone to vent to, so that your lover doesnt have to hear you breakdown again. you used to be so fragile, so delicate, so easy to ****. you let that blade glide through your skin so easily, where is your sense of defense ? do you think you only punish yourself ? do you not see how your damage damages everything, everyone you touch ? but you turn a blind eye, youre so selfish, you hate yourself and only hyperfocus on yourself. your punishment should be to take care of someone. that's what you deserved. if all the scars on my body were as fresh as they were now, you'd look like your skin had pink stripes in style. if all the time i contemplated to die happened, i would've been dead 2 years ago. you're so lucky to read this, you're so lucky to even breathe, you're so lucky you have someone by your side. i dont want to die.