A letter from Jan 31, 2025

My darling self, I know everything is different now. The hope I once held about how this relationship will go, where my life will lead, what happiness awaits me, all that is gone. I’ve learned way too many things that hurt me. I’ve gone through so much pain that it’s almost unbelievable how I’m still standing. And I hope that when you read this, you don’t scoff at how naïve I am about the pain that is yet to come. I hope instead, that you are able to smile at how much you’ve conquered, and see how strong you’ve always been. I wish you no more pain and suffering. No more sleepless nights tossing and turning, hoping that the love of your life isn’t out there betraying your trust and ruining what you’ve built. I wish you no more empty promises, thrown around hastily just to silence you. I wish you no more silent crying and screaming, unable to hold the pain inside your head any longer. Silencing your cries so no one comes to your rescue but him. I wish you nothing but peace, care, hope, love. All things that you deserve. I have given so much of myself to this person that there’s nothing left of me without him. I hope that by the time I meet you, there’s a little bit more than nothing. Love, Joy