A letter from Jan 30, 2025

Dear God, I am so tired of worrying; it feels like I have been sad for the majority part of my life. I always worry about something, and it doesn't help that I feel I always get things last. I mean, I get the best, but I get it last. Every year, I am constantly panicking about something.at least from 2012, I can remember. 2012-Worried about my GCE exam 2013- Worried about JAMB and getting admission to school (Failed JAMB and didn't get into undergrad that year) 2014- I went for pre-degree and worried I wouldn't pass (I passed and gained admission ) 2015- Worried about staying idle for an extended period of time cos, apparently, my school is supposed to go on strike 2016-Worried about grades and man. Had my first C and cried blood (lol, why did I cry?? I later had an E in a course in my final semester) 2017-Serve anxiety, dealing with School work and professional exam pressure. Also started a business, lol 2018-Serve anxiety continued, and I had a major fail in my professional exam. I also started to worry about getting a job after graduation. 2019- I worried so much about getting a Job at the beginning, got a Job, and then worried so much about changing the Job. Also worried about accommodation 2020- Worried about accommodation and a life-changing job, got the life-changing job 2021- Worried about changing the life-changing job. I was tired 2022- Badly wanted to change my job, Badly 2023-Badly wanted to change my job, and I finally changed. Dealt with anxiety and sadness while preparing for grad school 2024- Preparing for Grad school, Visa issue, Adding weight , experienced extreme sadness. Finally got into school 2025-Worried about getting an Internship I am so tired, it just feels I never live. Always worrying about something 13 years down the line. I know God would come through, but I am always a mess and tired of losing myself. I really want to be happy no matter the circumstances. I am just so tired. God, I want a period where I can breathe again. I am so tired of being worried