A letter from January 30th, 2025

Dear FutureMe, from the past to the future.It's been a very, very long time.. for years I've been trying.. trying hard to be better, to develop myself.. not to remain helpless.. well I'm trying but not enough.. I always do something small.. and when I see myself having accomplished something that is barely worth mentioning, I feel like I'm getting closer.. so I start imagining that I've accomplished it.. and sometimes I'm a bad person by being very jealous of others.. not that jealousy.. but I don't like to see anyone better than me in something that I'm only good at . and as for him?.. I still don't know.. I see him like a chain.. even though he is very ideal.. will he stay with me until then? How do you feel about that.. and I want to know.. have you developed well? Has your chess elo become very high?.. Have you improved your English well the way you'll get a high ELITS? How is your study? Who are the new friends? Have you stopped wasting time on the phone for long periods of time? Have you started drawing better? Did you take SAT/ELITES... How is it?... Do you know.. What do you want be in e future? ... and many other questions... Have you become better... than me?... Who was I in the past?... Has your  with God become stronger?... I want to go back TO THIS letter in the future.. and see myself better than my previous self..... I'm actually very passionate right now. Very lost, I really know what to do but I don't know why? And I don't know what I want. I really want to develop myself and all this talk but ... Even if you joined Oxford, Harvard, or Stanford. Or any university of my big dreams. What do I want to become?? And then what? A family? With him..?.. I don't know.. I just can't keep thinking. Should I really..