A letter from Jan 29, 2025

Dear Junior, You'll get the email you're sent a letter from your past self, you'll read the other ones and die a little inside at what you used to be like (how you used to type like someone you know). You'll giggle a little inside at the first, die a little more at the second, and relax a bit at the third and fourth. Welcome to the fifth. I don't know why I keep doing this - for the fun of reflecting on a past I don't always enjoy remembering? - but I do. You've probably forgotten the circumstances of me writing this. Two days after I went blond with the pink money pieces, SAT prep, right after a quiz. If it rings a bell, good job. You were always pretty good at remembering the little things. I like a boy. Well, I admire him. He's pretty hot. Do we get with him? I'd assume not (but I'd at least like to be friends, he seems really really cool and his style is so nice), but if not then did we find anyone at all? And is it healthy? Don't lie to yourself if it isn't. Remember? X, the boy you've admired for a while now, who responded to your confession on the confessions board? Him. I currently admire him. I really hope he isn't an ******* - L says he's super sweet. We started the podcast. This should be really fun, assuming we can commit to it unlike how we "committed" to the vlog last year. That didn't go very well, now did it? How's the art going? I'm at a happy spot where I am, but improvement is always welcome. I'd like to study more human anatomy to better understand what I'm doing. How is our social life? I'm currently going through a rough patch with T. She says she doesn't feel included, but how is one supposed to include someone who's never around? I love her so dearly and I genuinely wish she would come back around. I miss connecting with her. With H, I feel like we're drifting apart. It's kind of scary - FEF isn't FEF without her. And with L, I've done nothing but get closer. I've made some new friends - I and K - and if those blow up in my face, I honestly wouldn't be surprised. They feel very strained. With our silly little swede, I'm getting tired. I don't want to open my phone to a "So am I not loved anymore?" message. You live across the world. You're asleep by the time I'm awake. Dude. I feel like my friend group has gotten larger than I was prepared for it to. I would have been content with just FEF, and sometimes that's what I have. But this feels overwhelming sometimes. My therapist had me take two autism tests yesterday. I scored 4/6+ in one and 24/26+ in the other, right on the cusp of autism. She says my ability to detect social cues doesn't align with the autism spectrum, but there are other qualities I have. I know by the time you get this, you'll (not only be freshly/somewhat freshly 17, congrats) have gotten tested, so this probably isn't news to you. Was I surprised? No, not really. I've kept up well with AoS, though my plans to change the title remain. I've started so many new books I'm stressed trying to keep up, including a short story for a writing competition that's due in 2 days. I really need to get on that. I know I'll finish them one day, and I seriously need to lock in and get them done. Finnegan just passed earlier this month. He was such a darling kitty and I still miss him dearly. Poppy didn't do well - you know this. Ramona, Lucifer-Lucifer, and Poppy have actually been getting along quite well. Though Lucy is a little demon; not the Sweetie she used to be. A cute little dumbass. Painting has been going well. I love the class and the teacher. I hope that you're doing well in it - and that you don't regret not doing Anthis too much. Senior year; we got this. Thanks for still being alive to read this. I know it gets tough sometimes but you're doing really well. Just keep pushing, and soon you'll be on your own and you'll feel like yourself. Soon you can be the boy you know you are - no, the MAN you know you will be. You got this, love. - K