A letter from Jan 25, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I've fallen, and I've gotten up. I've held grudges, and i've learned to let go. But Still I feel this anonymous melancholy whenever I'm alone or whenever I'm in my thoughts. It feels like I'm grounded in this realistic surrounding that it feels like there's nothing that I can focus on except surviving. I've always thought that getting myself into the "independent" phase would be very helpful. But it feels dead. I don't think I can fall for anyone again. its not that i'm not moved on from him or anything. but like I'm so alert that no one seems attractive anymore. I'm scared. I feel alone like im alone in this. I want to leave my house one day. im really looking forward to it and everything yet, it feels useless because I feel like even after I leave, I will never be truly happy. I always think back to my younger and see myself comforting myself. Sympathy that flows through me. I feel bad, no one deserves to feel this way. yet I do. It's like I find comfort in the thought that when you read this, you'll want to give me a hug. I wish that someday we can truly be happy, be pretty, be confident, be stress-free, just free. I love you Riya.