A letter from Jan 22, 2025

Dear baby. You havent been concieved yet, but I feel your power. You've been my driving force through so many challenges in life. So many things that I felt held back by, which I refused to pass on to you. Generational hatred or fear of female bodies. Lack of boundaries. Keeping quiet when asked for our opinion, instead of sharing. Becoming quiet when our voice is not the loudest in the room, even though we know we are right. Fear of failure, and failing to live out my dreams as a result. You were my reason for recovery. You were my reason for pulling myself from the deepest depths of depression and addiction. You were the reason for choosing to stand up when my boundaries felt violated. Your dad is an equally stubborn ******* as I am. I feel your power, and need to pass the gift of freedom on to you. Because of the future I wanted to create for you, I had to start believing in myself more fiercely. Letting myself get angry more freely. Saying NO even if it pissed people off. And showing up in spaces like I belonged, even if nobody else agreed with me. Because of you, I gained the courage to fight like a ************ for the things I wanted. And to let myself admit aloud what I wanted in the first place. I am scared you'll destroy my body. I'm scared that birthing you into the world will destroy the work I've done on myself, to be the best that I can be. For you. And yet you've always been there for me. Even when you were not real yet. Dear baby I already love you. I'll fight for you and teach you how to do the same. I'll talk to you about things us women face in the world. I'll be an example of how to shed the societal ******** that kept our family trapped. I'll be a force of change in the world not just for me, but for you. For US.