A letter from Jan 21, 2025

hi. it's your past self. i just want to tell you how i feel right now, considering you're older than me and more mature than me. i love him so much, but i think we both know there's a huge chance we might have to let him go. for his sake, ours, and God's. i would do anything for us to be together, but nothing can come between me and my religion. i know our heart keeps breaking and i know it's so hard, but this isn't fair for the both of us. we're two worlds apart and i doubt we can reach the middle. it's one thing to love a man from another religion, but it's another to have him convert. i feel as if the best thing for us to let him go. it's not right to ask him to learn and believe, and it's not right for us to take him away and drift his relationship with his family due to strong beliefs and instructions to live life. I wanna live a life with him, i really do, and gosh i always couldnt wait for our wedding and our future life, but i dont want any of that if i have to run away and cut all contacts with his family and mine. i feel as if im the one tying him, binding him like a membership program. his family is more free, more modern-like (still religious but not sooo) whilst mine plays by the book and has a lot more rules. his parents want the exact opposite of mine. his wants him to live freely, not bound down, mine wants me to live life the way God has written it for us. we're complete opposites in a way. we're the two faces of one coin. i dont know. im kind of in a bad place right now. its the first day of that time of the month so all my thoughts are everywhere. i hope God hears my prayers. i hope he guides me and keeps my heart patched together. i pray that He doesn't turn him into a test for me. love always, your younger, dumber self.