A letter from Jan 17, 2025

Dear FutureMe, 6:46 in the morning being high and writing this anyway Hi I just read the last year letter feeling a bit emotional it’s okay. The main thing is I’m really proud of myself that I’m too strong! But I’m tired of being always tough I don’t want to be the cold heart I wanna feel loved being someone’s little princess… Let’s talk about few things happened last year Tbh I don’t have words labiba it was really horrible feelings he used to treat you like “ just tell me what you need I’ll give you then I’m minding my own business” and he used to just flirt with me when he was horny I used to cry while he’s sending his nudes enjoying by himself anyway I did bad to him but he shouldn’t have made me feel this way… Met Naithik then again I felt some warmth in my cold heart idk how I fell for him this much. I really love him a lot things what he do I always used to hate it but when he do those I can’t do anything just endure the **** and become the cold heart. I want to be the cold heart person again cause yesterday I’ll really say the worst day of my life I was not feeling well and then he came had argument cuz I didn’t eat anything and got ready to go with him made me cry then adored me afterwards I got ready so I don’t have to be in the room at 12 didn’t do that much makeup then when came back to the room they all finally made plan and boom 12 o clock we’re still in the room.anyways there’s lots of things happened everything has their bad side and good side. I wish he was not this angry hyper aggressive person I love him all the time but when he gets mad I’m really scared makes me get those flashbacks. He never hurts me intentionally but how he react to things when he’s mad it making me cold heart again. Yesterday ammi said why did you divorce him so that you can be with a person who’s more aggressive than him I said we don’t fight but I really don’t like his behaviour when he reacts It keeps haunting me every single time. I hope I can be the cold heart person again I don’t want to be in love. This love feeling gives more ****** up feelings than giving peace… I still hate that mf. I wish I could **** him and his family. I really wanna complete this O level and leave from here I don’t want to turn back here. I’m tired from everything. I wish suicide was not a sin I’m at the edge of my patience. I’m just a failure!