A letter from Jan 18, 2025

Dear FutureMe I am the most unimportant person alive I keep saying that "hey but people worse than you made it!!" But in fact, there's no one worse than me It's like I am not made to survive I remember always thinking that the world would end before I was sixteen as a child, but maybe what I really wanted was the world to end for me I love my family, and I have friends. Other than that, I am the most fragile mentality you'll ever meet. Talking to me feels like talking to a whole clown except clowns are funny and me will just stare at you and then tell you about the one time my friend tried to commit suicide but I kept with her then she discarded but you know what? She had a point. Maybe my whole value is in the cheap emotional support I give to people. I am not smart. I am not pretty, and certainly I lack any emotional intelligence, and people are only with me because they keep thinking "hey it can't get worse," yet I'll somehow manage to be the worst. Talking to babies would be much easier. At least you'll understand what they're saying, not the ******** I spout whenever I try to open conversations I should try more, but when I try more, I feel like I am dying, so I give up miserably My friends are already starting to hate how gloomy and boring I am, so that's something If I don't make it, somehow I will evolve to be a stupid leech even more. And yes I kinda think that my end will be getting married off to the first person that asks my parents just because I'll say yes cuz you know what? You accept the love that you deserve and all I've accepted my whole life was shame and humiliation and I doubt things would end any other way. I feel like I am wired wrong. I am not autistic. I am perfectly healthy and fine mentally but I feel like something is really off with me. I feel disgusting. Hey you know what I actually left this letter and I am back after 10 mins and hell there're worse people. People suck and you know what? I might suck but at least I am not a serial ****** which is worse 👎🏻 also who cares life will find its way to do things Bruh trying to cope so hard