A letter from Jan 11, 2025

Dear FutureMe, It’s been a little under 2 months since Felix broke up with me. How are we doing now? Does it still sting you in the same way when the alcohol of his name seeps over the paper cuts leftover? I miss him a lot. I’m mad at him but I can’t allow myself to love him any less or to try to forget about it all. That was the first time I ever truly, genuinely fell in love. It’s hard to swallow; losing all of that so suddenly. Maybe you’ve worked through these thoughts and feelings. Maybe you’ve overcome the grief, the frustration. I’m curious to know how you’ll do it. I’m curious to know how you’ll balance the weight of knowing how much I hurt him with the pain of watching how he hurt me in return; the pain of it ending with the weight of knowing it was for the best. Because right now, it’s all I ever really think about. Today I went shopping with mom. We went to Jenny’s Bakery, planned a bit about our trip to Romania this summer, and then went to the bookstore (but this pen I got doesn’t work all that well). You’ll be in a new college by the time you read this. I feel excited to know that you’ll finally be able to explore the world and yourself a lot more in 2025. I wish I could think of what to say to you. But I hope this letter can stand as proof of how far I will go and how far you’ve come. I hope you still journal, at least from time to time. I hope you’re learning to love well. I hope you’re not overwhelming your system with drugs; please don’t become an addiction again. I love us. I want us to win. Let’s make it where we want to be.