A letter from Jan 11, 2025

Dear Saida, Omg, it's the end of 2025, and here you are reading this in 2026 or maybe just as you turn 31. How wonderful it is to think about where you are now, how much you've grown, and how far you’ve come. How are you, my dear? I’m guessing you’re a little overwhelmed and tired, but that’s okay. I remember when I wrote a letter to my future self and reading it back, it was fascinating to see how some of the things that seemed so big at the time felt like they were just passing moments when I looked back. I bet this will feel the same way, but that’s part of the beauty of life, isn’t it? It’s constantly evolving, and what feels huge today is often just a stepping stone to something even greater. Right now, as I’m writing this, I’m sitting in Heavenly Desserts in Ealing, wrapped up in the cold with a warm flat white. I’ve just turned 30, and it’s honestly a bit surreal. I never really pictured myself at this age, didn’t have a clear vision of what it would look like. But here I am, and here you are, a 30-year-old Saida. How amazing is that? It’s an odd feeling to process an age I never really thought about before, but in the best way. I feel “older,” not just physically but mentally, too—and in a really positive, grounded way. I’ve realized that my twenties were bookmarked by the idea of becoming who I thought I was meant to be—chasing this vision of the ideal self, with the perfect career, relationships, body, and adventure-filled life. straddling a perfect fence of being accepted by wider western society but not to much where i disappoint the culture , family and end up in hell. It was about constantly searching for that next thing that would bring me stability and prove to the world and myself that I mattered. But now, stepping into my thirties, I see that this constant striving was never going to be the answer. So, Saida, as you move into your thirties, please remember that the prototype of who you “should” be doesn’t exist. You are the first of your kind, and you’re creating this life as you go along. That’s what makes it so beautiful, and I know it’s something you’ll keep remembering. The road to stability is ongoing, but you’re doing it. You’re still working on building that sense of groundness—physically, financially, socially, and romantically—and that’s completely normal. And my dear, I hope you haven’t spent a single moment internalising or personalising any of the challenges. I know you’ve embraced them as part of the bigger picture, and I’m proud of you for that. I’m so excited because I know when you read this, you will have finished your studies—finally! You’ve worked so hard to get to this point. I know you’ve stayed focused, pushing through even when the pressure felt intense. I can already see that you’ve balanced it all beautifully, with grace and determination. You’ll have accomplished everything you set out to do with your academic work, and I know you’re walking away from it with pride, knowing that you gave it your all. You didn’t let this period consume you, even when it felt like it could have. You balanced it with taking care of yourself, with your joy, your health, and your relationships. What a massive achievement! And my love, by now, I know you’ve found your own space, somewhere to call home FINALLY. Whether it’s an apartment or a cozy flat, it’s yours, and it’s where you can finally relax, breathe, and settle. It’s spacious, beautiful, and filled with all the little touches that make it truly yours. I can almost feel the calmness and peace that will come with having your own place, a stable base where you can continue to focus on your goals and your passions. I know this is something you've been dreaming of, and now it's happening. Financial stability—this, too, I know you’ve worked toward. By now, you’ve found a job that allows you to feel secure and confident about your future. It’s something that offers both stability and room for growth, and you’ve put in the work to make sure that, by the time you finish your studies, you're ready to step into it. You’ve networked, applied, and shown up with grit and optimism, and now you have a job that helps you move forward in the direction you want to go. With that, you’ve also built a solid foundation to start enjoying some of the things you’ve been dreaming about—spoiling yourself with that extra skincare, new clothes, travel, and indulging in the joys of life that come with financial freedom. A good gym membership, some fine dining, and a grocery haul beyond Lidl are all on the list—so I’m sure you’re living it up in that way, too. You’ve earned it, and you deserve every moment of it. I’m proud of you for staying true to your goals, for building that consistent routine, and sticking to your vision despite the hard work of your studies. I know when you read this, you’ll feel so much pride in how well you’ve managed your time, your commitments, and your energy. You didn’t let the pressure take over—you showed up for your goals, and you didn’t let go of the things that mattered to you. That’s something to be so incredibly proud of. And it’s also clear to me that you’ve continued to nurture yourself and your health—how wonderful that you’ve stayed consistent with working out, dancing, and exploring new ways to keep yourself energised. Even when you didn’t feel like it, you’ve managed to stay true to your routines. It’s made such a difference in your confidence, energy, and mindset. You’re feeling stronger, healthier, and more vibrant, both physically and mentally. I just know your skin, hair, and smile are absolutely glowing right now, and I’m so happy you’ve invested time and energy in yourself in a way that is intentional and loving. Most importantly, you’ve been true to your art, to your creativity, and your purpose. Whether it was building your branding, writing, or performing it in front of others FINALLY, you’ve been vulnerable and courageous in ways that will leave an imprint on your journey. I know you’ve kept pushing yourself, refining your craft, and staying in tune with your vision manual as it evolves. This is your art, your story, and every bit of work you’ve created is a reflection of your commitment to authenticity and growth. It’s amazing to think about how much you’ve expanded your mind and spirit through your creative process. Lastly! I am above all incredibly proud of diligent you have been and how you have maintained your routine , habits and trial and error mindset. How you reviewed your time and other resources with clarity and long term thinking. I can't believe you managed to build even further you vision manual. How much detailed and clear it is how it's even more tailored , effective and suitable to how you function and what you are achieving . I'm so proud that you finally managed to not take things so serious. That you let this year teach you that your sense of safety and stability isn't about the current studies or people or environment that this is simply another phase and journey. I'm above all incredibly pleased that you let this year show how to embrace the ambiguity and precariousness of life. That you met it with honest, objectivity and courages each and every day. That you showed up in any mood you are in and really learned to respond as required. I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE Saida