A letter from Jan 11, 2025

Dear FutureMe, It didnt get any better It get worst somehow... And i dont hope for you to be better again... I wanted to die You maybe have done something I am just waiting to die Felt like god never heard my prayer I lost all of what i hope for.. I make mom disappointed and all my last goals didnt come true. I dont hope for nothing right now I cant It didnt worth it I wanted to puncture my wrist little by little with a needle I write some aoex fics Its decent I will be 25 with nothing i can proud of I wanted to die Felt like all my struggle like a trash to god You want me to believe you? I prayed i asked i did what tou asked to the best of me.. and well thankyou for keeping my family... thank you very much but i also disappointed them... I wanted to die if you plan it to get worst... But if you still love me? Do you? Heard my prayer Why not? You have ears in this universes What should i do again? I am tired. I wanted to die Just end this But... I also want to go to kyoto in autumn I want to take my loved ones traveling the world and those beautifull places But right now i cant.. and my hope just slowly gone each time i take a breath Its felt like all of it was nothing I am tired Isnt this enough? How long should i waiting for again? How much i should break again? I am not you... my time is limited The world is indeed not mine but etleast give some of it if you are omnipotent Give me a chance Give me what i had asked for years And dont take my loved ones away from me Amin