A letter from Jan 07, 2025

It's now January 8, 2025. I miss him, so much. I cannot imagine how I could live my life doing everything it means to survive knowing he's not here to support everything I do. I have always loved how appreciative he is; it keeps me motivated in doing silly little things, and for loving me for who I am. The "me" that only unlocked when our path crossed. It is so hard to move on from someone who made you realize you are capable of loving someone that deep. That you can actually open yourself up, express yourself, feel emotions, let it pass, and just be the authentic and genuine you. I tried everything that I can. I don't know if it was a good move to message him after christmas. It felt somehow wrong. I wasn't being fully honest with everything. I was scared you see. Scared that he might see me badly and that "he was right" about me, that I could do such things. So far allowing that guy to befriend me was the worst and the most horrifying and the most disgusting thing that I put myself into. Literally what was I thinking! Things would have been different. I hate myself for it. So much like hell no you didn't just let **** happen to you. I hope it stops hunting you by this time, if not; hopefully sooner, and I believe you will. Look, It's literally been a year! I hope things are starting to go well this time. I hope you got "the" reply. You know what I mean. Well, that was the reason why you've been so droopy. You may or may not receive it, it doesn't really matter now doesn't it?. Girl you cannot be entering a new year with the same droopyness of some sort. Honestly, I don't know what emotions I should be going for in this letter; be enthusiastic or jot down emotions I'm actually feeling at the moment. Perhaps i'm at the end of this letter yet have so much things left to say but can't put into words. If it hasn't been okay, that's fine! I know you've been doing your absolute best this time. And, you're on your second year and on the second semester already?! Girl I'm so proud of you. The me now is so happy seeing you slowly coming out of your shell. I don't have anything left more to say, you know how you've improved this year. You know the struggles you faced yet you stand firm and being able to literally survive the year, so don't forget to credit yourself! Continue to serve God and continue being a good child. Always put your trust in Him. Nothing is impossible with Him by your side! This time, make this year remarkable. Make it a testament that you are capable of so much more! Love, Ash <3🍓