A letter from Jan 06, 2025

Dear Nami, You may not remember but on January 6th 2025 you've decided to write a letter to your future self. Tomorrow is our birthday and we are really excited, but scared to be 12 at the same time. Spamalot is only a month away and I can't believe it's almost over because I honestly don't want it to be over. Still, I am so excited for it to happen because we have worked so, so hard for this and it will 100% be one of the best days of our lives. 18 days until the 1 year mark of us and matisse. I feel like I'm gonna go crazy because I already threw up on the 1 month mark. I just know these next 6 months are gonna be full of tears and flashbacks. Honestly, I literally don't want to move on. I don't want to forget how he made me feel. I don't know how to describe him anymore honestly. I can't call him my failed talking stage because he was so much more. I can't call him my first love because he was so much more. I can't even call him my everything...because I know that he was so much more. Before him, I've honestly never felt a single **** thing for any of my crushes. I liked them for fun because it was normalised. The way that I felt for him, I've never felt that way for anyone before. He is the first person I've ever felt something real for and I honestly can't picture myself being with a boy other than him. I hope your doing well. I hope you haven't given up on music because everyone is telling you it's a stupid dream. We've loved music for so long and we've gotten so far. Currently you are sitting on the sofa with your feet on the table and mama is watching another thai movie. We've gotten an award for the highest grades in our year too. Despite this, I feel so empty and I don't know whats wrong.