A letter from Jan 03, 2025

Dear Future Jai, I've seen your past. I've been your past. I'm writing to your because I want to thank you for being who I've lived for - you. I've wanted to become you all my life. Every step of the way, when you were just a few moments, a few days, a few months or years ahead of me, I've been able to look to you for guidance, wisdom, inspiration, and tonight I'm looking to you with gratitude. Thank you for becoming patient, because I know that my self work is for the greatest good of my life. Thank you for being so honest, because you've inspired me to express my true self. Thank you for being so curious and open minded, because you've encouraged me to see the world through new eyes and with reverence. I love your determination, your steady knowing of your future, your ability to be courageous in the face of your challenges. Knowing that you are so bold, so brave and so definite in your purpose makes me want to be more like you every day. Thank you for taking care of my path in health, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Thank you for lighting the way so that I know to eat well, sleep well, drink my water, read good books, teach all I know, meditate, work out, groom myself, style myself, pray, journal, plan, analyse and learn. Today, I got the chance to look at my bank account balances, and saw that I'm about £5k in the red, with about £20k in debt, mainly for taxes, as well as a number of driving and parking offence fines ready to spill over into crucial. I look at the pending challenges of my reality and know that it all works out in the end. Why? Because I know you. I know who you are. I know what you stand for, and what you meant to me. I know you'd tell me to be calm, mature, responsible, loving, patient with myself, forgiving of myself and others, respect and realise my abundance and opportunities, take care of my moments, learn even more, be humble and bold, and know that I will always win. I want to tell you that I worry sometimes, but I believe in you, in my future, and it calms me. It's the main thing that allows me to be calm. You're the main thing. I'm grateful for that. It's going to be five years since Mum passed, in just over a month. I'll be ok. I want so much from myself, for myself, but also for others that mean a lot to me in my life, my Gemma, my Zuhrah-Iman, my Adoma. I know they will see me shine the brightest when I do this for myself, so I will honour my mum, honour those who love me, and honour the opportunities I have to win and prevail every day. I hope this finds you well. I hope you're able to look back and thank me for getting you there. I hope you're able to look back and give me a nod of appreciation for taking my challenges and turning them into your stories, your anecdotes. Especially when it comes to money, business, friendships, my love life, planning for the future, discipline, being the person people expect and dream for me to be, for myself AND for them, and so much more. In the meantime, I love you, I have faith in you, and whatever you're going through, you've got me to tell you, you'll get there, you'll win, and someone believes in you, even when you don't see him in the mirror any more. I'll always be here, writing to you on our mum's birthday, hoping you're able to smile at the alignment of it all. Take care of the moments. Enjoy the journey. Maybe I'll see you face to face one day. If not, it's been amazing laying the groundwork for your arrival. All the love. Jai