A letter from Dec 25, 2024

Dear FutureMe, On this date one year ago (Christmas, 2024) you had realized that you are truly and completely alone. I hope that you have been able to keep up the strength to drive through after this realization. It has been tough this past year, and there is particularly nothing positive. Anyways coming to what happened - I had gone home couple of days back and ma had said that thing will probably look good from March. But when I asked her about that she said that it was to pacify me because I was too tense. This is not what I wanted to hear. She need not have pacified me - I have passed through a lot and I would probably endure where I am now- there is no option as well. But I did not have to hear that. I do not need false hope. And this is exactly the point where I realized that I am truly alone Somehow things happen on me on days of celebration- first hearing of divorce on my birthday, this on Christmas, multiple stuff on Pujo. Yeah traumatize them all for me so that I dont celebrate anything. In any case I didnt celebrate anything What did I do wrong? And to whom???? Why am I going through this?? I cant take this anymore. I do not have the strength to bear this loneliness anymore. Am I so unlovable? I cant do this anymore