A letter from Dec 21, 2024

Dear FutureMe, It's ok to let him go, that's what I'm gonna start this with it's ok to let him go. It's ok to do or feel a lot of things, like anger and pain and regret, if you didn't feel that after everything you wouldn't be you. Let yourself enjoy Christmas. Let yourself be happy. You have always felt like it's your job to fix everything, to take care of everyone, to make even your bullies happy but you need to know it's not. It's not your job to make your mum who made you feel like crap 99% of the time happy or to make your friends not feel left out, and I know you do it because you don't want them to feel the way you do but you can't live like that. I've watched myself protect everyone from everything whilst letting myself drown knowing they didn't deserve it, and if future me is still like that, I wont be disappointed or sad, I'll just hope one day I can change that. Look, you admire your sister and her friends so much did you ever wonder why? They are selfish in the best ways, they put themselves first, that's what you admire. One day the sky wont be so gray, but you have to want the sun to come out otherwise it never will. I hope you never change who you are, even if everyone wants you to because I love you. Love, 21.12.24 you.