A letter from Dec 20, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Hi, you’re in college now, right? I’m a senior. I am being homeschooled after a feeble suicide attempt that only harmed those around me. I’m tired. I don’t have anything to be tired of, I just am. I don’t know. I feel miserable thinking that all of my friends enjoyed their senior year, in fact, they all came out from high school knowing it was a great moment in their life yet mine feels so dull, a high school life so mundane I can hardly think about it. I only ever remembrance on funny moments to seek validations from others that I have friends and I’m not a loser; even if I know, deep down, I am pathetic. The middle school me and high school me longed for 4 years of excitement, of a life that resembled the books or movies I see. It didn’t, time keeps passing. Maybe college will be better… I know it would all be solved if I had discipline to work on myself and confidence to show my results but, well, I have no excuses. I find it funny that every one of my futureme letters asked, “are you still alive?” I’ll finish the signature because I cannot think of anything else to say Are you still alive? Take care, me, because I sure didn’t.