A letter from December 20th, 2024

Layla, girlllll. you're old now. Haha. I currently wish you had left me something for my 19th birthday but it's a month form now so I don't think I'll really appreciate it as much. So this is to 20 year old you. 
....
Jesus didn't heal a blind man and tell him to go forth and gouge his eyes to become blind again. He tells us to go and sin no more. If you've cried out for deliverance for something within you or your sin and God seemingly hasn't heard you, perhaps he really has and he has healed you, but you just haven't changed your habits. That suicidal, nihilistic, futile thinking that dominated the way you thought to confront (or rather cower from) your problems and life circumstances in your teens must be left in the past. You are not timid, though you're weak. You are brave and you are given strength through his Love. It's not your love for God that gives you power, it's God's love that transforms us all. 
You probably have made some dumb mistakes that have cost you during this last year of being out of school. Let those go. You're not magically grown now. Don't let some old man tell you "you're so mature for your age." I know we have attachment issues and a deep yearning for affection and genuine love. 
Attention ≠ Love
Don't be acting a fool trying to garner attention to make you feel like you're important or matter or are valuable to someone. You already are. You are just as beautiful inside as out. Even if you lose everyone, you can't lose the Lord. 
And if you by blessing have met a good man. **** sis. 
Let there be chemistry, let there be Christ. Let there be respect. Let there be practicality.  
BE SAFE, I love you still ❤️