A letter from Dec 19, 2024

its a weird feeling, missing someone while you have someone. i have a partner of 2 years, we have built a great relationship over the time, we’ve become really strong and were doing really well. i love him, with my whole heart and soul, honestly like i've never loved anyone else before. i want my future with this man, more than anything... i have a soul crushing, guilty feeling of missing someone, i know i shouldn't. i don't really know why, i miss this person (lets call this person moon), because we brought each other nothing but heartache towards the end, but it was everything in between that i miss. we never dated, we never kissed, we never had *** or sent any nudes etc. we had the most soulful friendship i have had with anyone and a mutual feeling of love. i don't know why we never dated, i guess it just never felt quite right. i have always loved moon and, i know moon will always love me. we talk sometimes on and off, we've spoken a bit more recently and i just feel so comfortable with moon in my life. other than my partner, moon is the only person that gets me, that really knows me, you know? i keep telling myself to press block, move on and leave it in the past. i don't feel any sort of romantic love towards moon, its just a friend, it feels like a, i've known you forever kind of love. we clicked instantly when we met and we just never left each others side. i know moon loves me in a different way to how i love moon, which is part of the reason to why i think i should block and move on. i just, don't want to live without this person, you know? they have such an important space in my heart, such a soft spot and i just couldn’t imagine it. there have been times where we haven't spoken, don't get me wrong. mostly because of other relationships we’ve been in, because i think moon knows, they wouldn't be able to have me around while having someone else. i was moon's "first love" quoted from moon directly. i think the reason why apart of me feelings guilty, is because i know my partner only has me, they don't have a second person, like how i have moon. i don't even know if moons cares as much as i think moon cares, but i have a feeling, moon does. moon has been in and out of my life for over 4 years now, so its weird that we just don't leave it in the past, but i just don't think we can. i saw this quote 'sometimes your soulmate isn’t your boyfriend, girlfriend , wife or husband, sometimes it's you'r best friend ." in a way, i think i understand that. i have been wondering if moon is my soulmate, but if moon is, than what is my partner? i hope you work this mess out before you loose it all and if you don't, will you loose it all, or gain it all? i wonder if by the time you receive this next year, moon will still be around? you'll have to let me know. moon, R.S