A letter from Dec 14, 2024

Dear FutureMe, how is everything? this year has been crazy. i got my first boyfriend who is not my ex and i avoid him now. my heart can’t hold hate much longer because i feel disgust. for him, and i feel it whenever i’m in the energy of hating him as well because it’s him, so i’d rather not hate and ignore him completely. besides, i feel contempt in the state of not caring about things. i’m trying to get my grades up. my mom threatens to take things away if i don’t. i think that they’re better than last quarter. next quarter i’m going to try to get straight A’s and earn the rights to hang out with my friends again. I want to get closer to my mom and walk with her again during this winter season so she can still know me well. i feel like we bonded more over the fall when i was going through it with my ex. id like to get closer with my Dad, but i am unsure on how to do so. i think he is mad that i said i never dated my ex so he feels that he needs to set rules. i don’t count my ex so it’s like we never dated anyway. besides, who is to say that “dating” was our label? i liked him for a moment and i don’t know why. anyway, me and my dads talks are more like debates. i guess that’s ok. at least it’s interesting. we’re a lot like eachother in some ways. i hope that i won’t get my phone taken. all i can do is pray. i don’t want them looking at my stuff either. i will do my best to to get my grades up as high as possible this quarter. i finally started posting music on spotify, and i’m working on more. i’m getting a mic for Christmas, so that should be exciting. i want to start reading more books in my free time and i’m going to start working out more as i have weight training next semester. i want to get muscle on my arms and work on getting abs. i’m going to take it seriously. i’ve started to realize more and more that life is just a game so i just have to make myself do things in order to get what i want. i feel like i realized that a long time ago, but now i’m actually taking it seriously. i want to finish the book that i’m writing called sunsets and bullets. i want to do cool things in my free time but also get good grades, so i need to fix my whole schedule. i know i can do it. i have big goals so i just want you to realize that i would still want them. i want them now, so i trust you to take care of them. you’re a senior and you have more power, please realize that and i beg you to take care of me. i get nervous sending these letters because i don’t know who exactly i’m sending them to. i only hope that it’s a good version of myself that i’ve come to love. someone who enjoys their life and isn’t in a state of depression. someone still alive. i want to become kinder. i want to be someone that my parents trust. i just want them to be proud of who i am. i think that if i take time to improve myself then they will enjoy my company more. i need to stop giving my mom attitude unintentionally. i don’t mean anything wrong when i talk to her usually, but i think that she takes my words that way sometimes. i want to be someone that people look up to. i want to be liked by many. i don’t want to be seen as mean, or not fun. i will silently improve myself until it shows on my exterior. i want to be good. i don’t wish any hate on anyone because right now i simply don’t want to spend my life hating on other people. the people who did me (& others) wrong got their karma. i know that i can be smart. i have the capacity to be a genius. i just need to catch up on math. i’ve spent a long time being lazy, but now i want to study and get good. life really isn’t all that hard, and at the end of the day, whatever happens will happen. i’m going to try hard to be the best that i can though, because the world needs me to be who i am in the future. i really hope that you are happy. the quality i want you to keep, though, is an important one to me. do NOT go back to being a people pleaser. ever. be completely your own person. be comfortable in your *********. don’t let people dictate you, but also, don’t dictate others. make them proud. if they aren’t proud of you, they aren’t worth your time. there will be many others who adore you. please have a good last Christmas living in your house. i wish you nothing but luck and gratitude for carrying on when you could have ended it all. thank you so much. https://pin.it/4yD8G8vlx https://pin.it/cBA6vyknH https://pin.it/1A8Iq3hTU https://pin.it/1zgCp8Gfn https://pin.it/5v8xOHYVZ https://pin.it/5agVkWgt0 https://pin.it/4UFT5Z0NT https://pin.it/6Mn4CkyKq https://pin.it/1DgW0AV3P https://pin.it/4AyMOkpAc https://pin.it/4RjC6XFEI https://pin.it/4MwtNn6d0 https://pin.it/4JS47lKzd https://pin.it/Zlkbbgjpe https://pin.it/1bf2Mg9A4 https://pin.it/3fScP4iXc https://pin.it/2rhHDRJIn https://pin.it/77LdbcsKP https://pin.it/59LIrBYrA https://pin.it/4lj5kaFEH