To the guy who is blind (really?)

The truth is, when you continue to chase someone who does not want to be caught, you close yourself off to those who do. You close yourself off to the person who wants to know how many sugars you take in your morning coffee; you close yourself off to the soul that wants nothing more than to hear you singing off-key in the shower for the rest of their lives. When you continue to beg for the kind of love you have been giving someone all along, you close yourself off to the person who dreams of being your favorite thing; you close yourself off to the person who eagerly awaits a heart like yours—no matter how loudly it beats against your chest, no matter how messy or sensitive or soft it is. You close yourself off to the person who wants to be your safe place, your refuge; someone who wants to prove to you that love can stay, that love can heal the past, that love can be balanced and full and hopeful for once in your life. When you continue to chase those who do not want to be caught, you rip out pieces of your soul just trying to make it fit into the palms of someone who does not want to hold you. You bankrupt yourself for someone, closing yourself off from the human being who would have been able to see your worth all along; closing yourself off from the human being who would have loved you from the start. Yes, ofc I think I could have done better . You used to ask me that you don't have people which can help you move on.. and I always think that why you think like that when you got me ,maybe by the time you realise this it might be late and you might regret both things. Whenever we have argument or whenever I feel sad about ur replies i used to think , that I do deserve someone better ? Someone who could be more concerned about , someone who notices , someone who doesn't chase people like foolishly and instead focuses on themselves being better. Someone who is ambitious, who likes doing funny things enjoying time ... And i asked myself thousands time this month do i really love you? Or was it a crush like a big crush more than a crush actually because it's been 6 months as August comes to an end. I thought the answer when I met your dad and when I had call with your mom .. The moment is unforgettable because I was so happy and i don't know if it's you who like more or your family , when I was coming back to home .. I was smiling and saying that it's confirm that I m in love. Because I met few guys parents and I never felt this i mean how can I wish everytime I think of you , when you talk about your family tht I want to be part of it. And when I see you I feel happy but whenever you talk about girls and your choices I feel so sympathetic that you wasted so much of time and maybe u are still , Towards chasing who doesn't want to be caught. You can't say me the same because i don't chase when I don't feel the scope and I don't feel anything in this august i realised that maybe you ll never be mine and maybe it would be bad decision to have feelings for you till then I mean I wished daily whenever I told you about crushes I had on you I felt so sad that you didn't give it much attention and didn't cared about it . And maybe that s why I feel I don't deserve you . I can find someone better if it happen to be someone who encourage me to achieve my dreams instead of not reminding me to study.. I really wanted to get marry with you when I knew that you are non manglik too.. at the end of July... But there was no same excitement we shared .. And i mean even as simple 2 years friend you could have been happy about it that' s why I think you wasted lot of time for someone and you restricted yourself frm so much moments which could have affect something. When you last time answered the choices that will marry someone who will say not to meet your female friends just because she don't like"? And that time I thought you are not mature I mean I know you have not experienced but your decission to adjust according to her was not flattering for anyone. And when you said for all this adhishree is exception I felt how could you be so irritating i mean why ? Why you have to do that And that's why I wanted to block you because this replies pissed me so much that I felt maybe you are not just green flag maybe you are mixed and maybe i don't know you much .. In relationship we adjust little and so being ambitious doesn't matter much but respecting yourself and focusing on yourself better is something I want , a need whenever I want to be in relationship with someone like this is much needed quality. I mean I don't want guy even if he likes me and i don't like him .. If he is obsessed and his almost choices revolves around the same person then it sucks But if he chose himself and is not obsessed when it's just one sided love is someone I would look for.. And when I say that , then it implies to me and I did .. I m not obsessed with you because I started seeing that it might not happen and waiting for you might not be worth .. I mean ofc I m talking about 3 years not now but yeah I do think and do like that. I m not waiting for you but if by the time this letter arrives and still you don't change then I will give up I mean i don't know I would still like because I would not be in India or whatever or we won't be in kota so idk the future But if I do then as I said I can't wait and i might have confessed already if you have moved on But whatever i wrote in all the letters , on those months and now it's all true nothing is made up it's all what I felt and now this is full stop 🚏. Atleast till 12th overs So am I still in love ? No one can be perfect.. soooooo you ll know if I write another letter ✉️. -the girl whose feelings you didn't cared much.