A letter from Dec 08, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Hey so, uhm, did the Third World War happen? How are you by the way? Are you still that hopeless romantic fool? Please don't tell me you fell for a guy or worse, talked with a guy with hopes of developing feelings. Do I need to remind you of the last time you did that? It was not the best. Are you still dying your hair red? Did your hairline grow fuller? How is IB? Still into politics and becoming a lawyer? You're doing well (I hope). Did the braces come off? You turned 17 this year, right? Happy late birthday. Still a "narcissist"? Who are you hanging out with now? Still close with them? Have you started to feel a sense of identification? Or still, exploring? Did you start vloging? Currently, its a sunday and I am bored, thus why Im writing you this. Yk, I promised not to get involved with any guy after that right? Or did you forget? Yk, I hate science, PE and French. But now that they're gone, are things any easier/better? How was summer break? Anything you wish to do differently for 2026? Youre soon an adult! How do you feel about that. Sorry for bombarding you with questions, I truly wish to know how you've changed. Hopefully it was for the better. Do you know how much I love you? Youre my one and only soulmate and I gotta admit, If we were to ever get separated (impossible) I'd turn the whole universe upside down just to get back to you. I love you, you are the one place where my soul truly feels at home. Your smile brightens my whole day, keeping me warm on the coldest days. Your tears, although of sadness, provide hope because although you're sad, what a privilege it is to be to feel. Tears are part of what makes us humans, what makes us alive. What is the sun without the rain? Sure its nice, but over time it leads to drought. There needs to be a balance of rain and sun in order for a plant to grow. No matter what happens, you'll always be my home so please prioritise yourself and take care of yourself. In order for me to thrive there needs to be a healthy environment. Anyways, as of now, things are good. I'm starting to rebuild boundaries and be less with people who drain me and more with myself. I am proud of myself. I've dyed my hair red, finally. I was scared at first but then I just thought "**** it, its just hair" and did it. And I'm so happy I did because that change was truly something I needed. My braces are cute so far, Im supposed to get them tightened by jan, so wish me luck. My personal project is going (like a step or two). There isn't much snow. My hair is greasy. I'm finding myself becoming a misanderist and my future will most likely consist of me, my cats and 3 adopted babies (if I'm mentally stable enough for that). Cause Idk, kids are starting to scare me. Like I find myself going insane when dealing with my younger sister so how will I deal with my children? Like as a kid I wasn't hard to raise, I'd say I was easy actually, as long as you had money I was easy to raise. But that might also be the reason why I struggled during my preteens and early teens years. Idk, like I wish to be a good mom but I don't know if I'm cut out for it. Like the kids, I'll have to raise them to be responsible adults that'll later become part of society and have an affect on it. I don't know how ill react if things go wrong. Like I fear I'd loose it and its just such a big risk. And also, what if they wish for a father figure? then what do I do? Because like I don't want to steal that opportunity from them but like I don't think I'd ever wanna settle down. Date around? Maybe, but settle down? No. Cause lets say I settle down right, were happy for like the first two years of our marriage and we adopt three beautiful children. We're happy. Yay! I have to clean up the house, make dinner, take care of the kids, and work. My husband starts complaining, "Honey, why don't you ever spend time with me?". I start to wonder how I even got in this scenario. "why did I ever decide to marry this male?" I ask myself. I lose attraction, he's complaining in stead of helping. I leave, time wasted! I'm full of love, but no way is all that love going towards outsiders. I'm full because its locked inside. If you open a water bottle and start pouring the water, you cant be surprised when it ends up empty. I think I'm better off without getting married. Ill fast get bored or it'll depend, but honestly I trust myself and Im aware that no one can: a, love me as much as I can love myself, B, no one can understand me as much as I can understand myself, C, no one can provide as much peace as I can, D, God reunited me with my soulmate upon birth so why would I cheat on myself for someone who'd never see my worth as much as my soulmate? I'm smarter than that. I love yapping. Growing up I had a plan set up. I'd start looking for my soulamte after I was done with high school (19 y.o.) I'd find him and marry him by 24, the next two years would be just us together. Then I'd get pregnant at the age of 26 with my first child, then my second at 28, and my last one at 30. We'd also adopt two more kids. I'd be a lawyer, he'd be whatever (idgaf). And we'd live happily ever after. Unfortunantly, life doesn't work like that. And with more men becoming more conservative Im better off alone. I am complex, and I wish to stay that way. I don't wish to open up or anything of that sort. As long as I have my sisters, my mom, my aunt and girlfriends Ill be ok. If life was to go completely ****, I know I can just become a nun. They get to spend time with children, educating themselves and in community with other women of same mindset. That sounds appealing and nice.