A letter from December 6th, 2024

Dear FutureMe, it's me in junior year of high school and right now I know your a senior which is crazy, on Wednesday Alex treated me differently in a good way, I quite miss him, that's the Alex I knew and we practiced my lines for the play of the Christmas carol and we also went to the room that's near the chapel door and he was playing guitar, which I thought it was funny because In SAT class Esther asked a question about what instrument is like attractive and I said acoustic guitar and piano.. so he like was playing it in front of me. then we sang a song that Jonathan O. made up called amor and I saw Alex smile and I don't know, he doesn't know that I don't like him I love him and yeah. right now he has like a close friendship with Bella and yeah but he doesn't want a relationship. I hope I like officially moved on or something. because I really think he's not the one and it hurts to assume but I think it's true. I know God loves me and hears me and he sees me. the word I have in this season is Trust in God. I know God is close because I just received confirmation today at the Christmas coffee that he sees me and loves me so much. I glad he's not ignoring me anymore or I hope he's not. I just missed on what we had. today is supposed to be our day of dating and from 2026 it would be 2 years of not dating. I know he'll find the one and it won't be me. it will be an amazing girl that he will love cherish and put all his effort into her. and I will be proud of him. I do miss him and I know he doesn't have any feelings for me but sometimes I think that he does but he just likes to flirt. plus I know myself and he's the only boy I would get that close with and I know I won't have a boyfriend at all while everyone would and that's fine  I just have to adapt to being lonely. God will have someone for me and even tho I have doubt it's Alex it could be a possibility but he hurt me to many times for him to be my boyfriend let alone my husband. remember trust in God and I still don't know in what or why or the reason of trusting in God like, trust that he will be with me or that he/Alex won't be with me therefore like peace of moving on or something that  im going through but blinded to see. I have no clue yet but God does reveal at the right time. anyways I love you girl and you've grown so much, btw im currently crying because of how much strength you have endured so proud. love you dearly and CONTINUE TO PRAY AND BE WITH JESUS CHRIST always. keep praying about it and wait for the answer of God's perfect timing. love you and your 16 right now. Emilee is graduating and soon to be married I hope and you would be 17. love you so much, you will be a great nurse and a loving person and a WOMAN of GOD. goodbye furture self🎀💗🥹🥲