from ash (part 2)

and then there is the question of tori. when flora and i talk beneath the overhang on rainy days i watch tori through a series of perfectly aligned doorways that lead to the AP psych classroom. i dream about her sometimes and her baggy yet elegant clothes and close trimmed hair. and reality touched my arm, it's flora's pale hands and on the other side she's got her strawberry *****, liquid and evil between our eyes. here is another thing, taylor has started vaping as well. i don't even know her anymore. of course it is on purpose that we do not speak anymore because when we do it is impossible for me not to think of her constantly, this is how irresistible she is, and all the boys from her school know it too. she goes to school with quinn but quinn has never taken an interest in her somehow. i just remember moonrise kingdom, a confessional weekend trip in seventh grade and a decisive aversion to nicotine. i remember not saying i love you, letting everyone else in our class say it for us because everyone knew except us that we had something delicate beautiful tragic.i don't miss her and i haven't written about her in months but it does hurt to think we will live our lives with a deep unfulfillment between us for what we have been and what we could've been. before, all she had was good intentions, an eating disorder, and a 98 rice purity score. in a year she has become something else and i know she knows I'll always love her so i wonder what would happen if i touched her malleable heart again this year. well that must be all, i have no intention of being anyone else until i am you but good luck with the beautiful people in your life and i hope you have a girlfriend when you read this cause you deserve it. sorry for being a mess all the time, I'm trying really hard even when it doesn't seem like it.