A letter from Nov 24, 2024

Dear Yilena, Happiest birthday my love! 19 now! How are you? I’ve been doing well I suppose. Currently, I’m studying for my legal theories exam. (I should be, but I’m writing to you instead. Getting distracted… can’t focus!) It’s difficult to stay on track, but I’ll do it for you. I’ll try my best for you, because I want you to be the happiest. Uni has been good to me, I’ve met so many wonderful people and learnt so many wonderful new things. If I could write a letter to my past self, I would. It’s funny how things turn out; never had I ever imagined I’d be doing law. I wonder if you still are, if things went as planned, or if life has thrown you yet another curveball. You and I have been through so much together. You’re my biggest comfort, and my biggest inspiration. When I get upset, sad or demotivated, I think of you. I imagine you to be someone who’d make me proud. You could never disappoint me anyway. No matter where you are right now, I’m happy for you. Don’t ever worry about disappointing me, or disappointing anyone at all. If you struggle, that’s normal, that’s a part of being human. Sure, we haven’t got it all figured out yet, but that uncertainty is what makes living so amazing. I like to think we’ve got direction, though. As long as we have each other, we’ll never be lost. And if you ever think that you are incomplete, or that a piece of yourself is missing, remind yourself that you are already whole; look inside of yourself for whatever is missing and there you will find it. You’re enough. You’ve always been complete, you’ve never been anything less. I always thought I’d be a singer. An actress, a writer, an artist, a movie star. Because music was my crutch, and art was my anchor. Law is something completely unexpected, but the pieces fall into place, and it makes sense now. It felt crazy at first, but I belong here, just as much as anybody else does. Sometimes we go along the rockier paths, but the roads merge in the end. Don’t worry, we’ll end up at our destination. I never abandoned the arts, I still sing. I still write, and I still try to see the beauty in everything. I bought a guitar, and I named her Dotty. I wonder if you’ve gotten good at playing her by now. There are certain things you’ll always have with you, me being one of them, and art being another. When life gets ******, you can always sing your heart out, or write, create something. I hope you’ll continue to discover more that is lovely in this world, and carry all that you discover with you. I used to think creativity to be my curse, like I was some kind of tortured artist… (cringe, but that’s reality, just part of our development.) But I see now, creativity is never anything but a blessing. I’ve learnt to see things differently now. Every cloud has its silver lining, and you are so so so blessed. I’m happy with the way that I am, and as long as that remains true, we can do anything. Always be yourself, I love you just the way you are. Kind of a cliche, but sometimes words are better when they’re simply put. You are wonderful, and you are special. People are starting to see that too, my lecturers actually remember my name. I’m writing a paper for legal theories on medical emancipation. I’ve got a project lined up, to develop a proper study method for other neurodivergent students. I have to score in my exams first though… the exam I’m currently not studying for. Oops! I’ve learnt that if you just be authentically you, and have good intentions, good people will come to you. Stay true to yourself. If you’re genuine in what you do, somebody will recognise that, and will lift you up. Yes, there will be people who try to tear you down, but there are more good people in this world than bad. Be good to everyone, and always see the good in other people. People will tell you that you are wrong, and sometimes they’ll be right. You’ll make mistakes, no matter how smart you think you are, so don’t be stubborn. Take in all that is given to you, examine and filter out what is good and what is bad. You shape your own character, nobody can decide who you are, but you. You are never evil. People will tell you that you are, but long as you are good at heart, if you do things with good, pure and genuine intentions, do what is morally right by your own standards, then you are not evil. Remember who you are, and remember that she is always changing. You and I are the same, but we are different. You’ll continue to grow, and you’ll continue to change, and that is okay! You don’t have to anybody that you’re not, and you can be anybody who you want to be. You don’t have to be a genius, a prodigy, a tortured artist, an exception or whatever. You’re already enough in my eyes. You’ll always be special, and you’ll always be mine, no matter who you are and no matter who you end up being. Never forget that. I should get to studying now, because I’ve procrastinated and time is definitely not on my side right now… but whatever result I get in this exam, I know I’ll be okay. Because I have you, and failure is only redirection. You’ll be just fine. I love and believe in you, always and forever. Yours, Yilena