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Dear FutureMe,
you know what's crazy? you know how when we were young and your early 20's like until 21 years old. with all the traumas, depression and everything else.. your mind was in shambles? it was everywhere. you were fantasizing experiences, people and other situations so much and wishing and daydreaming you were actually there? the way you dreamed of your future and have your sparkly eyes just thinking about it?
One of the things I didn't see coming when you choose to "Heal" and you do heal, is the silence of your mind that comes afterwards. so silent that I don't feel those type of things anymore. like, how i view life now? being an adult is more of being practical.
this will sound weird but, there was a situation this year where I craved "being hurt" just for me to feel something again. and when you've been hurt all your life and the scars that are so deep that it makes you go in survival mode.. you don't know how being, loved, adored, respected, considered feels like.
sometimes I wonder, what kind of person would've I been if I was never in survival mode? instead, I grow up in a lovely household where, money was never an issue, having supportive parents and just being a Normal girl who looks at life in colours?
I got to learn to accept the ugly parts of my life that happened and am thankful for who I turned out to be and what more of me will I be. I guess, sometimes I just have those thoughts.
I miss being young (not the traumas and depression for sure) I mean, I am young.. we are 24 but do you get me? type of "young" where, you are not sure where to go but having BIG DREAMS that makes you think about it 24/7 feeling alive and not seeing which direction are you actually going for with your life kinda thing. but, you are living?
Don't get me wrong.. I also love being an Adult where you finally get to do the stuffs you've been wanting to do. you want to go to New york for the weekend? You can now do it. You want to start a business? you can now do it. You want to travel the world? YOU CAN NOW DO IT.
What i'm trying to say is also, when you are an adult there's a lot of responsibilities, people's opinion and what kind of life you really want to have. you have more control now.
I guess, I just miss having to feel "Magic" again.. like when I was younger.
Or I just haven't encounter the real "Magic" yet?
Love, You at 24
you know what's crazy? you know how when we were young and your early 20's like until 21 years old. with all the traumas, depression and everything else.. your mind was in shambles? it was everywhere. you were fantasizing experiences, people and other situations so much and wishing and daydreaming you were actually there? the way you dreamed of your future and have your sparkly eyes just thinking about it?
One of the things I didn't see coming when you choose to "Heal" and you do heal, is the silence of your mind that comes afterwards. so silent that I don't feel those type of things anymore. like, how i view life now? being an adult is more of being practical.
this will sound weird but, there was a situation this year where I craved "being hurt" just for me to feel something again. and when you've been hurt all your life and the scars that are so deep that it makes you go in survival mode.. you don't know how being, loved, adored, respected, considered feels like.
sometimes I wonder, what kind of person would've I been if I was never in survival mode? instead, I grow up in a lovely household where, money was never an issue, having supportive parents and just being a Normal girl who looks at life in colours?
I got to learn to accept the ugly parts of my life that happened and am thankful for who I turned out to be and what more of me will I be. I guess, sometimes I just have those thoughts.
I miss being young (not the traumas and depression for sure) I mean, I am young.. we are 24 but do you get me? type of "young" where, you are not sure where to go but having BIG DREAMS that makes you think about it 24/7 feeling alive and not seeing which direction are you actually going for with your life kinda thing. but, you are living?
Don't get me wrong.. I also love being an Adult where you finally get to do the stuffs you've been wanting to do. you want to go to New york for the weekend? You can now do it. You want to start a business? you can now do it. You want to travel the world? YOU CAN NOW DO IT.
What i'm trying to say is also, when you are an adult there's a lot of responsibilities, people's opinion and what kind of life you really want to have. you have more control now.
I guess, I just miss having to feel "Magic" again.. like when I was younger.
Or I just haven't encounter the real "Magic" yet?
Love, You at 24
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