A letter from Nov 18, 2024

Hi Jas, Last month she broke up with me, i’m not sure the exact date but it happened and i was devastated and i really didn’t know what to do with myself. After a while i visited her and it was good for the most part and then i got back and things were really really really bad. I still feel awful about everything i did and i just wish we were back to normal again but i know that will never happen, she was one of the best things to ever happen to me but also one of the worst at times. Right now i still feel lost, we are no contact but texting for parcels, i still think about her constantly and wonder how she’s doing but i feel as though her words of, “if we’re meant to be we’ll be”, were out of silly hope and pity of herself and not genuine belief. I miss her so much, i hate myself for hurting her again and again and i wish i had been more honest and gentle with her. I regret so much, but i think eventually i will heal and what happened will affect me less. However, i believe that will be in the far future because i am so fixated on the fact that i ****** up that i don’t feel real anymore. I’m really not sure how long i’ll be in love with her but it still feels like forever🙁 Anyway, Today is the 18th of November and i hope that future me is finally in that flat with dad!!