A letter from Nov 18, 2024

Tonight, my lover is or is not breaking up with their primary partner of the last ten years. The problem with ethically non-monogamous relationship structures, is that we spend so much time talking, and intellectualising, and rationalising. And theoretically you’d think that would make these moments easier, but you’d be wrong. They told me that they were going to break up a week ago, and that the reasons are not to do with me at all, and all I could say was that all I can do is trust them. And I do. Again, in theory, the fact that it is none of my business should make it easier. It does not. The fact that it is not my breakup should make it easier. It does not. The fact that I trust my lover, that they have so much love and support, that I know they are fine… not helpful. No-one tells you how to support a lover who is or is not, breaking up with their partner. In my mind we are standing separated by an empty netball court and I’m yelling HERE IF YOU NEED HERE IF YOU NEED.